A letter...that Craig...the boy in Chicago sent me....umm...It knocked the wind out of me....
some things I need to say...
Body: Over the past month I have done a lot of things that must have seemed incredibly unreasonable and when I look back on these events, I realize they were incredibly immature.
What I need to tell you, what I lack the eloquence to say verbally (hence this lame message), it this:
When I stopped returning your calls and shut you out, I had this notion that you didn't feel for me the same way you did before you visited me here. I felt like I loved you far more than you could ever love me back and it killed me inside. I can't explain how I came to these silly conclusions, but they came nonetheless.
I know I told you that I stopped talking to you because I wanted you to stop loving me, but I really wanted to stop loving you (and it was nothing you did). I felt there was a gap growing between us, which I realize now was actually me growing more comfortable being with you, but because I had never felt for anyone like I did for you, I guess I got scared. I didn't want to get hurt and I'm sorry for not trusting you.
When you sent me a message saying, "it doesn't matter; you are out of my life." I realized I had just lost the only thing in my life that meant anything. What made things worse, was that I knew it was my fault and I feared I had lost you forever.
I guess this whole crazy plan of mine had failed miserably and ended up leaving me, well, miserable. I had chased away the most important thing I ever had and after all was said and done, I was still in love with you.
Of course, even once you started talking to me again (which I'm still not sure I deserve), I couldn't just say what was going on in my heart, mostly because I'm still just a stubborn jackass.
Tonight, you saying how much you missed Randy just killed me inside, but I couldn't say anything, because if you went back to him, it would be exactly what I deserve.
I just have to say that if you ever could find the capacity to love such a fool as I have been, I would go to the end of the earth to make you every bit as happy as you deserve; I know it would be difficult, but if you were truly happy and you say that you would truly be happy, then I would believe you without question.
I know I don't deserve you, but I wanted to at least tell you these things before I lost you for good. I will always love you, Stephanie. I have never loved anyone like I still love you and I would do anything to take back all the pain I've caused you and dry the tears that have long since fallen. I'm so sorry for everything. Please forgive me.
I love you.
some things I need to say...
Body: Over the past month I have done a lot of things that must have seemed incredibly unreasonable and when I look back on these events, I realize they were incredibly immature.
What I need to tell you, what I lack the eloquence to say verbally (hence this lame message), it this:
When I stopped returning your calls and shut you out, I had this notion that you didn't feel for me the same way you did before you visited me here. I felt like I loved you far more than you could ever love me back and it killed me inside. I can't explain how I came to these silly conclusions, but they came nonetheless.
I know I told you that I stopped talking to you because I wanted you to stop loving me, but I really wanted to stop loving you (and it was nothing you did). I felt there was a gap growing between us, which I realize now was actually me growing more comfortable being with you, but because I had never felt for anyone like I did for you, I guess I got scared. I didn't want to get hurt and I'm sorry for not trusting you.
When you sent me a message saying, "it doesn't matter; you are out of my life." I realized I had just lost the only thing in my life that meant anything. What made things worse, was that I knew it was my fault and I feared I had lost you forever.
I guess this whole crazy plan of mine had failed miserably and ended up leaving me, well, miserable. I had chased away the most important thing I ever had and after all was said and done, I was still in love with you.
Of course, even once you started talking to me again (which I'm still not sure I deserve), I couldn't just say what was going on in my heart, mostly because I'm still just a stubborn jackass.
Tonight, you saying how much you missed Randy just killed me inside, but I couldn't say anything, because if you went back to him, it would be exactly what I deserve.
I just have to say that if you ever could find the capacity to love such a fool as I have been, I would go to the end of the earth to make you every bit as happy as you deserve; I know it would be difficult, but if you were truly happy and you say that you would truly be happy, then I would believe you without question.
I know I don't deserve you, but I wanted to at least tell you these things before I lost you for good. I will always love you, Stephanie. I have never loved anyone like I still love you and I would do anything to take back all the pain I've caused you and dry the tears that have long since fallen. I'm so sorry for everything. Please forgive me.
I love you.
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
jorgedetroit:
Oh I know, Randy is with a young girl, it is sweet revenge to be with a young guy. The decision i asked you to take time to make has been made? I just love that you only ever hear half of what i say. You never seem to be able to acknowledge that we have good times together. Instead you run to Craig who abandoned you. I don't know steph. I can't be that guy. the gyu who treats you good when he needs you and bad when he doesn't. I can only treat you good all the time. But that isn't what attracts you i guess.
jorgedetroit:
I am sorry to make assumptions. But understand when you communicate only the base level things to me, i have to try to interprut what else is there.