genetic_freeman

Jealousy, it's creeping up on me again. It's one of the many things in my rotation of uneasy feelings that keep me awake at night.

I try not to think of my love life, it just leads to lots of troubles. But it keeps coming back to piss me off.

I'm doing a presentation on suicide girls for one of my sociology classes. I have tomorrow to get it arranged. Should be interesting.

I wish I was an artist, I wish I could create art, put my feelings into it like they do. I think I'd use a lot of blue. I like blue art for some reason. Fuck it, it's too pretentious for me, and I'm not creative enough.

I wrote a song on piano, but I can't play piano, I just kinda pulled it outta my ass. Sounds good but it's haunting me, I have to finish it, it has so much potential and I'm afraid I'm not embracing it. Everytime I touch it I feel like I ruined it more. This will keep me awake for a while more too.

I often find myself talking to people I know when they're not around, I'll have full conversations with Kevin, or Jen, or some person I see but never talk to. Basically I talk to myself with an imaginary but specific audience of existing people. I don't want to talk to the real people about these things because it's not important enough to waste time with and they probably wouldn't care. I barely care. But when I'm alone, they listen.

I get all semi-deep with what I say when I'm tired and solitary. I'm aware that it's uninteresting and makes little sense. But for some reason I feel the need to say it. Makes me feel like I'm accomplishing something with my time.