gekkeiju23

i saw someone that looked like someone from the past.
my past.
and i had to stop myself from grabbing this stranger and shaking them and hugging them and kissing them and screaming at them...
like i would you if i ever saw you again.
it was like a kick in the stomach to meet their eyes and not have that mutual recognition.
i wanted them not to be a stranger-
i wished to the bottom of the bottle that it was you catching me staring-
making me blush and look to the ceiling like so long ago.
made me feel like sweet and sour 16 again.
english class, and all-night collage making, running through foggy fields, laughing, breathless talking about how it would be when we made it out to anywhere but there.
i did-
i wanted them to be you so much it hurt.
cuz that would mean you had escaped, too.

it's so odd-
how we were once so inseperable.
every waking moment and many sleeping ones spent in the comfort of a closeness rarely shared.
so heartbroken when i left you on that curb in 1995, promising with all my might to come back for you-
licking my lips and taking a deep breath, preparing to divulge the new and terrifying secret, only to be amazingly beaten to it.
you said it first-
i love you.

now, we exchange polite regards.
hello, how are you, goodbye for now.
sad.

maybe that's why i wished they were you-so i could say all the things i long to, up close and personal.

or maybe you're just one more ghost i need to give up.