gekkeiju23

:sigh:

i don't mean to complain-i truly don't.
i just can't help wondering what it will take for me to catch a break.
i have SO MUCH to be thankful for.
i feel so needlessly selfish even thinking it....
but couldn't i have had it the way i wanted it?
i get that so infrequently, and when i do i'm all the more delighted.
i appreciate it more.
it's every once in a blue moon that i want something so fiercely.....
and especially lately things have been a roller coaster.....
but i took solace in this-that it was ok, and going to be more than ok, that it was the right path.
and i felt more free than i had in forever-more self.assured-more beautiful-more-i glowed, someone said....
.....too smoothly, i can see that now.
should have known better.
i have no regrets, no longings-i'm not sorry i feel the way i do
i shed no tears-i even crookedly smile, knowing that i was right, that love was inescapable, unavoidable, a silent killer.
i'm filled with a warm, bubbly joy for the love that's finally found it's way out.

i just kinda hoped it was for me.....