"Are you a god?" they asked.
"No."
"An angel?"
"No."
"A saint?"
"No."
"Then what are you?"
Buddha answered, "I am awake."
------------------------------------------------------------------
the above quote has been stuck in my mind since i first read it many many years ago. i often come back to it in times in which i seem to be struggling with issues of all kinds.
i've come to realize over the last few days that i have been rather lucky to have be able to surround myself with many people of the years who have been able to teach me many things. some of these things i would have prefered not to learn, but learning them has been necessary.
in roughly six months, i will be leaving the army and transitioning back to being a civilian again. and realizng this has also made me realize something else. most of the people i knew before i came in, are gone now. perhaps they still live in the same city (although several have left), but are gone from me. some left when the differences between us grew to great, with others the connections have faded slowly over the years. i know now that maria and i will never watch the sun rise over the pyramids, and that i will never be able to have coffee with emily again. amy turned her back on me when i found i could no longer accept the fact that she used her religion as an excuse for behavior that hurt others. and these are the best cases.
but those who are still here, i know will always be there. or at least until none of us are here. andrew and i will always be discussing things over a beer (or 20), and howard will always have something new to show me or some concoction for me to drink (this usually works well, but there have been horrible mistakes). ron and i will always trade various stories and jokes. and of course ben and cathy will always have an open door, and allow me to see the child who is basically my nephew. if i still believed in gods, i would call my self blessed beyond all measure.
the past several weeks have been absolutely horrible, but knowing that my family (both of blood and of choice) are waiting for me, somehow makes this all so much easier.
so here's to them, and playing life sentence, endless cups of almond haze and memories, that while still occasionally painful, make us who we are.
-the geist
------------------------------------------------------------------
sojourner's song
Its the little things
Ya know?
The small bits that
remind you of home
And people you left
Behind.
Smells, sounds,
Snatches of conversation
Twist the knife of loneliness
Driving home the fact
That youre not at yours.
thoughts of home
and memories of loved ones
Running through your mind constantly
Like the one time... No, wait
Shouldnt do that, itll only make
Me all the more depressed and
Homesick
Heart-weary and
Worn down.
Got to keep my head up
Eyes and feet on the road.
If I can keep moving, then
Eventually, Ill make it
back
Home.
Where I belong.
Where my tribe is.
Of course, it will
never be quite the same
as when I left.
Small distances
too great to be bridged
Betweem people and I
After all, Ive been places
They couldnt imagine
Well both know things
have changed.
But its still home,
after all.
And I did leave,
So that I could do
these things and
see these places
They say
You can never go home again
But I plan on proving them wrong
So pour me one for the road
Cause Ive got to be heading
on now.
"No."
"An angel?"
"No."
"A saint?"
"No."
"Then what are you?"
Buddha answered, "I am awake."
------------------------------------------------------------------
the above quote has been stuck in my mind since i first read it many many years ago. i often come back to it in times in which i seem to be struggling with issues of all kinds.
i've come to realize over the last few days that i have been rather lucky to have be able to surround myself with many people of the years who have been able to teach me many things. some of these things i would have prefered not to learn, but learning them has been necessary.
in roughly six months, i will be leaving the army and transitioning back to being a civilian again. and realizng this has also made me realize something else. most of the people i knew before i came in, are gone now. perhaps they still live in the same city (although several have left), but are gone from me. some left when the differences between us grew to great, with others the connections have faded slowly over the years. i know now that maria and i will never watch the sun rise over the pyramids, and that i will never be able to have coffee with emily again. amy turned her back on me when i found i could no longer accept the fact that she used her religion as an excuse for behavior that hurt others. and these are the best cases.
but those who are still here, i know will always be there. or at least until none of us are here. andrew and i will always be discussing things over a beer (or 20), and howard will always have something new to show me or some concoction for me to drink (this usually works well, but there have been horrible mistakes). ron and i will always trade various stories and jokes. and of course ben and cathy will always have an open door, and allow me to see the child who is basically my nephew. if i still believed in gods, i would call my self blessed beyond all measure.
the past several weeks have been absolutely horrible, but knowing that my family (both of blood and of choice) are waiting for me, somehow makes this all so much easier.
so here's to them, and playing life sentence, endless cups of almond haze and memories, that while still occasionally painful, make us who we are.
-the geist
------------------------------------------------------------------
sojourner's song
Its the little things
Ya know?
The small bits that
remind you of home
And people you left
Behind.
Smells, sounds,
Snatches of conversation
Twist the knife of loneliness
Driving home the fact
That youre not at yours.
thoughts of home
and memories of loved ones
Running through your mind constantly
Like the one time... No, wait
Shouldnt do that, itll only make
Me all the more depressed and
Homesick
Heart-weary and
Worn down.
Got to keep my head up
Eyes and feet on the road.
If I can keep moving, then
Eventually, Ill make it
back
Home.
Where I belong.
Where my tribe is.
Of course, it will
never be quite the same
as when I left.
Small distances
too great to be bridged
Betweem people and I
After all, Ive been places
They couldnt imagine
Well both know things
have changed.
But its still home,
after all.
And I did leave,
So that I could do
these things and
see these places
They say
You can never go home again
But I plan on proving them wrong
So pour me one for the road
Cause Ive got to be heading
on now.