geist81

so yeah...friday i turn 25. once again, a birthday in the desert, where i've spent three of the last five of them. and once again single (although this hasn't bothered me since i got divorced nearly as much as it used to to), and far the fuck away from all my freinds (that'd be you lot). but soon, if not quite soon enough, i'll be...
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just a few points....

-more than three months since i've had a cigarette. yay me.
-hopefully two more months and my ass is no longer owned by uncle sam.
-bad sign when you constantly contemplate homocide, and have the ability to sign out an assault rifle and ammunition. but also pleasing.
-ordered by software and controller keyboard, now all i need is a bass amp...
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Rubicon, by VNV Nation

Praying for myself.
These thoughts I try to hide.
I have faith in me and hope this will survive.
But it's tearing me apart.
I can't hear the words by which I guide.
So I must ask again who will carry me.

I will not deny that nothing can defend
from the helplesness that's cutting deep inside,
and I cannot prevent...
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but in the end, it's all for nothing.

---Pot Committed by Bane---
Will not back down now
I've got no place else to run and hide to
Have come too far to buckle now
Can't lay this one down to the likes of you

And I don't say that with some bullshit sense of pride
I need you to know that I'm not done screaming
About whether or not your foot has the...
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When I die I shall be content to vanish into nothingness.... No show, however good, could conceivably be good forever.... I do not believe in immortality, and have no desire for it. ~H.L. Mencken
-----------------------

fuck it. it's all over now, nothing left. it's all broken and never getting fixed. i should just go.

::fin::

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
sorry about that guys, just had to vent. that...
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"You have come into a hard world. I know of only one easy place in it, and that is the grave." Henry Ward Beecher

::message ends::

-Perpetual, by VNV Nation-
Find it in you, raise your eyes
Look beyond the place you stand
Towards the furthest reaches
And to the smallest of things
The sound you are hearing
Is the symphony of what we are
Revelation will not come
With heart and mind closed and divided

No need of sun to light the way
Across the ages, we have reigned as...
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Twenty-six years and seems like I've just begun
To understand my, my intimate is no one
When the director sold the show, who bought its last rites?
They cut the cast, the music, and the lights

This is my line, this is eternal
How did I ever end up here?
Discarnate, preternatural
My prayers to disappear
Absent of grace, marked as infernal
Ungranted in dead...
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"Something I Can Never Have"

I still recall the taste of your tears.
Echoing your voice just like the ringing in my ears.
My favorite dreams of you still wash ashore.
Scraping through my head 'till I don't want to sleep anymore.

[Chorus:]
Come on tell me.
You make this all go away.
You make this all go away.
I'm down to just one thing....
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Ten Minute Romance, by Bury Your Dead
No more heart broken songs, get over it move on, lets wipe those tears away from that pretty face, that pretty fucking face, no more crying to your dashboard records you sappy emo bitch, we are all born alone and we all die alone forget about your problems just for one night, no more crying theres only death...
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---Inhale Exhale by Rollins Band---
Inhale resolve
Exhale ambition
Inhale all need
Exhale all I want
Inhale love of life
Exhale fear of death
Inhale power
Exhale force

I have all I need
I can't live without
I have all I need
I can't live without

Inhale tolerance
Exhale judgment
Inhale what I am
Exhale what I think I am

I have all I need...
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