geeksusie

Hey all,
I hope everyone is doing well. Fall is definitely here now. The leaves are changing and everything looks so beautiful!!! I just got home from work and I am getting ready for a little weekend getaway to York, Maine. We want to hit the road by 4 today. We are staying at a nice motel right by the Nubble Lighthouse. I love Maine so much, especially this time of year. Then in 3 weeks it's off to NYC for the Halloween Parade!!! God!!! I sound like such a gay-tard!!! lol Well, it is lots of fun, and I am expecting a great night as it always is.
Things are finally looking up at my end here. My financial troubles are at an end, but now the search for a new place begins. I just figure that nothing will ever settle down. There will always be a fire to put out somewhere. Maybe when I get older it will settle down. Hopefully anyways.
This is a sports nerds heaven the next couple of weeks. Especially if one of your teams are doing well. The baseball playoffs have been great so far, and the football season still looks promising for my team. Somedays I think I should have been born a boy. I am more into sports than any girl I know, thankfully Kelli puts up with me on that. She definitely thinks I am nuts sometimes when I start yelling at the TV. I guess that's the Bronx part of me coming out. At least that's what my dad calls it.
K, nuff bout my shtuff for today. I gotta get packed and ready to go. But not before torturing you guys with a couple of my retarded poems. I hope you like. And Happy Columbus Day to all!!!

being near you

my mind catches a glimpse
of being near you
when your head turns so
and you meet my eyes
I hear your wordless thoughts
no other eyes speak to me in this way
Im captivated by the slight crinkle in the corner of your eyes
your nearness reverberates a pulse to me, through me and back to sender
my finger reaches out to lightly touch your wrist
I need to touch you
connect with you
electrons go dizzy within this space
nothing moves, yet everything is moved
my heart listens and then tumbles over itself to make sure you hear its promise,
in this moment sits silence
yet I have never heard more said
I watch as a small soft smile crosses your face
acknowledging youre conscious of our entanglement
I watch your side profile as you gaze off into the distance
I see you drawn back to me, and turn your head to pour your eyes deep into mine,
a need so exquisite, I have to consume you
merge into you
become you
breathe you
all this I do, just sitting near you
and when your head turns so,
I think I might just explode with what my being contains
being near you

A Walk Along the Sand

I walk alone and barefooted on the beach before sunrise. Heavy fog cascades over the seascape so thick it hurts to breathe. Every time I inhale, my lungs burn with briny coolness. Moisture coats my eyelashes and I look down at the sand as I continue on in my solitude. Large waves continuously pound the shore, unseen, but heard like clapping thunder in a raging storm.

I wander aimlessly, without direction or destination. My hands frozen to the bone as I thrust them deep into my pockets, fingers splayed out and pressed tight to my legs in search of warmth. My collar pulled high at my neck does nothing to ease the painful chill that has settled over me. I pay no attention to the blistering cold Pacific tide as it washes over my feet.
I look up briefly to bid Orion goodnight. Morning has broken over the eastern horizon as Betelgeuse and Rigel flicker in a wink, then fade in a graceful changing of the guard with the sun. Gentle dawn breaks over the sea and I stop to greet her. The fog begins to lift as if melted away in envy of the heavenly beauty that is cast upon the Earth.

I continue on in the morning light, feeling the changing of the tide once more, as the kiss of the waves at my feet is less frequent in my path. Not a single conscious thought enters my mind and I feel empty. I am lost in familiar surroundings, and I am numb to almost everything around me.
The wind caresses my face and I try to smile as my eyes fall shut in a half-hearted attempt to feel loved. I feel nothing. The screaming of the gulls following me along the shoreline distracts me, as they hover effortlessly on some unseen current in the sky. They call out as if urging me onward and I once again drop my gaze and walk on. My bare feet sink into the sand below, leaving a solitary trail of lonely footprints on the shore. I turn and look behind me to find that the tide has erased all proof of my existence here. No one follows, not even me.

Feeling the first rays of the rising sun shining on my face, I lift my head to be kissed. Moved by the instant feeling of warmth that falls over me, I stop and outstretch my arms to embrace it. A new day, that will perhaps bring a new promise forces me to smile and I bathe in the light of dawn as I steer of course and head into the sea.
The water seems still, no waves break against my body as I enter the tide, oblivious to the searing chill as she invites me into her depths.
Standing waist-deep in the surf, I look out across the deep blue and am enchanted by her power over me. She commands me further into her embrace and I obey. Now neck-deep, the chill grabs me by the throat and caresses me. I forget to breathe. Feeling myself being helplessly pulled in by her grasp, I do not resist. The sound of the blood coursing through my veins rages in my ears, playing a perfectly synchronized concert of Requiem For a Dream in my head as I allow her to take me and enfold me in her liquid love. Beautifully tragic, but there is no sadness as the salt brings a painful sting to my eyes. Shedding a final tear that would have fallen onto ungrateful soil, it now becomes one with the sea. With a final kiss she takes me. Consuming my soul, she takes my hand and leads me deeper into her embrace and I continue my walk along the sand.

*please note, I am NOT entertaining suicidal thoughts...just wanted to vent my feelings and verbally shed some loneliness. Enjoy the read ~ Susie.