geekgoddess

I've been so blahhh lately. Blah about everything really. Especially SG.... When i first started SG it was exciting and new, but now. I dunno. Get so caught up in life and times move so swiftly these days. I tend to make friends here like i do in real life... I don't... lol. You disappear for a while a people forget who you are. They get caught up in there own lives, just like i do mine....and we drift apart...Its like life can stand still and be there waiting for you to pick it back up when your ready. I wish....but life is not like that. Life keeps going on and people continue moving on...until one day you wake up and realize that while you having been saying i really should make sometime to catch up with person they have been busy making a new life and forgetting all about you. As each day dawns anew im learning something about this world we live in. I feel old right now. So fucking old. I feel way too fucking mature like having a kid has turned me into a grandmother. I'm no fun for my friends anymore. I don't smoke pot, i don't get shit faced and i don't fuck any hot thing that smiles my way. I guess that means im boring now. Things that i thought were so important when i was younger just don't matter anymore. I find myself worry about bills and how to get out of debt. How to find a better way to manage our money. I have to think about saving money for my son. i want to buy a house some day. I need to become a better wife and mother daughter sister friend. So many things i have to think about...i need to find a school i have been procrastinating to long....i just realized thats its been 5 damn months since i took my last class....my "little" break turned into almost half a year. Life has just become so overwhelming. I have someone who relies on me everyday. And i love that. i love being a mom..its just that..im so fucking lonely and i feel like im the only one doing this. the only one who cares....why did i have to grow up and all my friends still are getting into trouble and being carefree. Don't get me wrong i DON'T envy them...i hated who i was i was miserable all the time. I'm very happy now and i love my life i love who i am becoming. I just wish that i had friends who are traveling the same path i am right now. I understand life moves on and people change. I just wish that someone somewhere was changing with me....

On a side note. I go to the doc this Thursday...i haven't really been sleeping much at all lately...and my headaches are coming out of the past to haunt me. They haven't been this bad in like almost 3 years.

On a happy note...my husband gets home end of July and should be able to be here for a couple weeks before we move. This time no matter where he goes we are going with him. This year and a half was long enough and i don't want to ever do it again.

i need a hug and perhaps a tissue....

/end pittypartyrant