geasavenger

I am a rock
steady in the stream
everything changes except for me
I yearn for the day I am less then I am
a pebble swirling with the stream
a mote of dust until
the stream and I are one...

I miss node, and having any thing to do in the middle of the night except sit on my computer...

I do not have almost anyone to hang out with any more, all I do is work, bike, read, and sit on my computer. Sigh am sick of being lonely...

Looks like I am going to be at the same place on the south side for a few more months.

I am thinking about getting a second job during the day as I have nothing else going on, might as well work more to save up...hopefully to go to school again this spring. I would much rather have a hang out. I keep biking up to Rochambo to pretend it is a hang out but dispite seeing a few people worth my time it is not the same, and it is way out of my way. They close at midnight as well so is not what i really want, which is a place to go socialize after work, to hang out, read, write, and feel connected to my community. Ever since rachel left suddenly to RI, i lost the last true person to hang out with. She has briefly been talking about possibly coming back, but I feel like it is a tease more then any thing else when she gets home sick. While I think she would be better off here, I can see the appeal to staying out there. Especially after she already borrowed to move out there. Regardless I just feel out of the loop, with out a social network worth talking about. I still know lots of people, mostly on corgel to friendly terms, but am remiss of any close connections. Working almost every night doesn't help, but i did that for years and was still involved with people and things going on. I guess living alone for about 2 years, I got out of the habit of having a social house hold, adn the last two places have not been very social either. So with node gone I am with any real place to run into people, nor meet new ones.

I guess being back at school this spring i might meet some but at school everyone is too focused on stupid assignments to be social much of the time. But perhaps...perhaps

I miss dancing, dates, and adventure...
I want to bake bread with some people, or bike around dumpter diving, then sit and talk philosophy over coffee.
I want to learn new skills, and heard interesting stories...
I want to play games, build tree/couch forts, and not be so serious
I am sick of growing up, and growing apart...
Seems like there is nothing going on any more...or at least I am being left out
Adventures I am never invited to, or cannot go on because I am working again
I miss camping, being free, and meeting new people
I strive to be at balance...i always have..to avoid drama..to be there for people
But now no one is here for me..i am alone..tired...frustrated..and angry
Not at anyone else but for selling myself short, every time i let chances go by
I have lived life with few regrets, I have only a handful of "mistakes"
perhaps i need more...to step out of balance and shake the dice
falling from balance to movment, just to have some direction again
or at least change.

I am a rock
steady in the stream
everything changes except for me
I yearn for the day I am less then I am
a pebble swirling with the stream
a mote of dust until
the stream and I are one