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gears

Ohiopyle, PA

Member Since 2009

Followers 137 Following 123

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Wednesday Mar 03, 2010

Mar 3, 2010
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It's just one of THOSE days... nothing particularly wrong, just rather 'bleh'. Doctors appointment went well, I acquired my long missed Prozac, and a few Xanax for in case of emergencies... HELL FUCKING YES! I never wanted to take the Xanax before, but after the little ''episode'', as we'll call it from last week... that caused one of the worst anxiety attacks I've had, causing me to miss a day of work...fuck it. It's not worth it, if I have to take a potentially habit forming drug to make sure I can make it to work, I will. I can't miss work, first time in five months that I missed, and I was not happy. I run late here and there.. but only by two or three minutes due to road conditions or getting stuck behind a school bus. My boss is very understanding, but still, I had to miss work because I got pushed to an anxiety attack. Fuck that bullshit. SO, problem resolved. I took half of one on the drive back, thanks to certain circumstances....... I feel MUCH better. I'm not edgy, and a certain person doesn't seem to like my aloof behavior in regards to their pouting, but fuck it. I care, but not enough to be upset about something stupid that they did. Duh. If you don't like people making legitimate points about inappropriate behavior, then don't do inappropriate behavior. Taaaadaaaaaaa. Problem solved.

I drove for over an hour to go to the doctor that I've had all of my life. Which made things simpler for me, over all, the drive there and back was long, but the roads were clear, and I got to stop and see my parents for a little bit. However they loaded me up with boxes upon boxes of old stuff of mine that they kept. Like old toys and such, and some antique nick knacks from the early 1900's. They figured I could see it on ebay. Appreciated, but still, I stopped to visit, not load up my jeep with old musty boxes of stuff I have no place to store. Sigh, but shrug.

Housework needs done, I'm kind of tired of being the only one to do it 99% of the time... mainly I get annoyed because things are half assed when I don't do them. For instance, the coffee explosion from the beginning of the week that I asked the person that caused it to clean up... they did, kind of. I want to appreciate the effort, but it's kind of hard when it's still (in large quantities) on parts of the floor, and still on parts of the wall....I dunno, I guess it's just me, when I clean, I clean everything, not just parts of the mess. Sneer.

There's my venting. Sorry. MMMMMMMmmmmmmmmm coffee....... oh, my beloved comfort drink. mmmmmm, cigs....... my terrible habit... I'm going to quit, I've decided this, when, I'm not sure, but I did make the decision that I will. So, first step down. Wooo. Plus, I have to wait for a time to quit when it will be safe for the people around me. ROR!!

That's it for now, I guess.... word at work is there may be the possibility of getting laid off, worst case scenario.... greeeeaaaaaaaat. I have my dream job that's working towards my future career, and I may lose it, even if it is just temporary.... but still. Bummer. MIGHT go boarding, I doubt it, though. Sigh, again. Grocery shopping, then cleaning seems like a more 'responsible', 'adult' theme for the evening....insert angst here.
tireoghain:
SSRIs and benzos? Doctors don't do that here. I hope they do their ting for you so you can take other measures to get on top of the issue, as a long term ball of extreme anxiety (which always leads to big bouts of awful depression) I can wholeheartedly say ANXIETY IS BALLS.


*throws feathers at you*
Mar 3, 2010
gears:
FEATHERS?!! THAT'S FREAKING AWESOME!!!!!!! Thank you. That made me giggle, then I proceeded to come up with the mental picture of how fun it would be to romp in a room full of feathers, and throw them around and so forth. smile Ug, it's crippling at times... I didn't take anything for over a year, and it got progressively worse... I think once the anti-depressants take full effect, it will help enough with the anxiety (it did last time, 40mg a day), so I won't need the Xanax except for EXTREME emergencies, but those don't happen often usually. Lately there's been one at least once a week, which is too much(it just takes such a toll on the body and mind, since mine usually end up with me being so worked up that I end up throwing up). Of course there were still bad days here and there... but that's to be expected, but there weren't nearly as many. I love my job, because I'm around my boss, and sometimes the other assistant, and the women at the desk when I go in and out of the building, other than that, I deal with dogs. No people. So, that's a plus. But even going to Sheetz or Walmart can be an ordeal at times. Ug. It just sucks because unless you have anxiety, or have a friend that has it, you just think people are being dramatic, and I usually get told, ''grow up''... really? Wtf. You don't tell a diabetic to go to a candy store and eat everything in stock to ''get over it''. Psh. So, thank you, genuinely, thank you.
Mar 3, 2010

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