garnetdevine

i can not deal with the fact it is ONLY thursday, This week is going by at the speed of a three toed sloth that is trapped in a glacier. I think it is becasue I am back at work but I had monday off which means it should have been a litte faster than this.

its been an eventful but somewhat stressful week. Evidant by the nighmares deealing with murders and rapists. At least I am consistat its been a while since I have had bad dreams. I mostly think it is due to the fact i am sitting here waiting for the offer on that job.

Yesterday they contacted me for my references. 2 of which are out of town. One of which said they didnt call. I am getting annoyed. I want to know what their package offer is along with their pricetag. I know what I need to make and I wouldnt be wasting my time or theirs if it was below my price tag or needs.

On top of that the cold reality is setting in about being in my last sesmter of school. My profs are contacting me, my meeting and school scheudle came in and starts next thursday, and just realizing what I have been doing for 3 years of my life is almost comming to an end - both school and my job which started at the same time- is a bit too much for my brain to process. It makes the things I want to think about and the happy things in my life seem kind of distant and difficult to deal with.

I guess in the end all these things which are happy scare me becasue it is dawning on me that I am getting older, And I am so pleased with my life right now I dont want any of it to change.

it boils down to
fear of change.
the fear of the unknown
and so much in my life is unknown right now.

and yet it isnt.