Hello muddah, hello faddah
Here I am in good Sri Lanka
Life is very entertaining
And they say we'll have some fun if it stops raining.

Half the countrys filled with landmines,
Where the hell are all the street signs?
Dogs are thin here, people thinner
Rice and curry is their breakfast, lunch and dinner.

All the ministers hate the president,
Highway traffics caused by elephants,
Climates like a pressure cooker,
And the fashion here is made for Vegas hookers.

If the buses do not scare ya,
We have dengue and malaria,
Everything is slow or tardy
Every night we have a boring working party.

Take me home, oh muddah, faddah
Take me home, I hate Sri Lanka
Don't leave me, out on this island where
Burnt trash and sewage fills the air.
Take me home, I promise I will not complain
About the Wal-Mart eer again,
Oh please don't leave me here,
I still have one more year.

Dearest faddah, darling muddah,
Could you send a good de-bugger?
Pests are getting out of control,
But the roaches could be used to fill the potholes.

Wait a minute, it stopped pouring.
Hiking, scuba, and exploring
ancient treasures, gee that's better,
Muddah, faddah kindly disregard this letter.