You are the strangest introvert I know.
We were walking back from a meeting on upper campus and I think she was giving me flack for my hair being black (nice rhyme ... ugh). I said something about how I liked it because it allowed me to be anonymous in a crowd, that some how no one seemed to notice me. You have to understand, in the newsroom I have the biggest mouth and I'll say any thing just to get a rise out of people. If I had a particularly good night of sex, the staff knew (not that I announced it, but because someone would ask and hell I'll tell the truth).
She totally had me pegged. I don't like letting people know who I am deep down inside. Fine, see the shallower version of me. Scratch the surface a bit. If youa sk me a direct question, I'll certainly give you an honest answer, but really I don't want to volunteer up my darkest fears.
No one gets to see the real fears and worries, except some very close friends, but even lately, I've felt a tremendous desire to just shut up about any thing that's bothering me. I just feel like if I can just learn to be on my own, to just handle my own problems, everything will be better for everyone.
I've stopped being social lately because I'm almost petrified of putting myself out there. LIke why bother meeting people who I'll eventually tire of? Or worse yet, what if I meet an amazing guy and we seem to hit it off, but then he turns into Everyman and suddenly becomes only concerned with his ability to get PIV? I'd just rather not bother.
This is just a big dumb rambling because I'm upset and can't seem to force myself to sleep. I should really find the mix tape I made while in high school that was all my depression music. The first song was Simon and Garfunkle's "I am a rock." The second I think was SOAD's "Spiderz." Good times in high school with that thing playing over and over.
