galaxy42

I'm off to a cordial start to the week with Baby Mama. No weighty issues have been discussed thus far, so the opportunity for things to turn ugly hasn't really poked a nose into the matter. We'll be getting together a little later this evening to talk a little more. I really have no fucking clue what to say or where to start.

None of this is made easier by the looming specter of M (that's what we'll call her) and the end of 4 amazing months with her. I cannot describe the impact this woman has had on my life. The end was bittersweet. She has decided that she needs to give her husband another chance (they were separated when I met her, and divorce papers had been filed while we were together... then he had a change of heart). Twelve years together is hard to turn your back on. I don't blame her. She needs to do it. But it hurts... it hurts more than I could have ever imagined. She erased the memory of every other relationship that I've ever had. She made all of the "what if's" attached to the women of my past go away. She doesn't know what the future holds for them. If it doesn't work out, we may still have a chance. But if it does, she certainly wipes the slate clean for me to move forward without all the baggage that I've carried to this point. I guess I feel reborn with her.

I don't know if that makes sense to anyone but me.

This is all a strange process for me. There is too much going on at once and it all overlaps in such weird ways that I can't focus on the smaller parts. None of the issues can be resolved without regard to the whole.

I know you'll never read this, but it's nothing I haven't told you already... I love you, M... more than I could ever have thought possible.