gabster

I agree with the talking on here part. Something about it is just so much more raw and to the point that you know you won't be judged. It's so hard to keep life in perspective and I guess I'm glad that your wrist did that for you. And am OH SO GLAD that you are ok!

It sounds silly but when the tree went through my roof instead of seeing it as I shouldn't be in Wisconsin, I saw it differently. I was so upset about my life that night. So, fucking, upset. I was broke, hated my job, hated where I lived, don't know anyone here and felt trapped and claustrophobic. I thought that besides my family nothing else was in tune and thus couldn't get much worse. And then a fucking tree went through my roof and the picture of Braelen being trapped underneath a tree, hurt and all alone flashed through my mind. And when we were finally out of the house I thought of how much worse it could have been and how we were all lucky that none of us were hit by lightening, or crushed by a tree or electrocuted. I thought back to how upset I was that night and how I thought things couldn't get any worse. Well, having a tree fall through your roof is worse. Or losing your son at 8 months would be worse. So, I figure maybe it happened to show me that things can always get worse. And in the short amount of time that I've been on this Earth, I've already worked through so many things that were harder than simply living somewhere I don't want to live. Yes, I will get upset. Yes I do miss you like crazy. But in the end this is the only shot I get at life. What use is me being here if I fuck up the only shot I get because I don't like my job or I miss my friends? Like you said, jobs can be changed. Friends can be visited. So we all need to just suck it up and live the best life that we can with what we have to work with.

I love you and miss you so much. Although we have continued to be friends, I think it's been a while since we've had the deep friendship and connection we had when we were in college. However, I know that we are capable of that kind of friendship and that you are one of the most wonderful people I know. So, even though neither of us gets to talk to the other as much as we'd like, you'll always be my best friend and I'll always remember you as the one of the only people who really got me as a person.

Wow, I really hope Jarred gets that job too. A baby!!! That would be awesome! I could come and dance with your tummy!

So far I am on day 4 of being a stay at home mommy. Financially it probably isn't the best thing in the world to do b/c we are super strapped. But, I think we'll be so much happier this way b/c we will get to spend a couple days together as a family and I really did hate all the mean people at the store. I'd be fine helping nice people find furniture, but when they treat me like I'm a piece of shit I just don't have the heart for it. I want to get up sometime this summer to see your house and visit you, but I'm not sure if we'll have the money. I might be coming up for my coz's wedding if we can afford it, and if I do, can I stay overnight w/you?

That's super shitty that your wrist isn't healing well. I was hoping the stitches would be the end of it. Give it a kiss from Braelen, baby kisses have super feel good powers.