fusionface

Alright. About high time that I updated. I've consciously avoided doing any blogging or maintaining any kind of online social presence for a number of reasons- I'm not sure I would like what I have to say, that certain people would appreciate what I have to say, or that I needed to waste my time droning on about bullshit. I've been laying low and consolidating my resources, physically, mentally, and spiritually, which is a good thing. No need to burden myself with extraneous thought that's only going to lead to depression and anger. However, now that there's nothing but bitter cold outside, I'm trapped inside with my mind. Thus, here I sit typing out a new blog.

First and foremost, Vectrexxx is fucking dead. A part of me died last year and I left it cold and buried in the ashes of 2008. I've come to the realization that I have changed in quite a few ways- I've emerged into this new year a different person. I may look quite the same on the outside, possibly have something of the same demeanor, but let me tell you now that the scar tissue surrounding my soul has grown thick. In a lot of ways, I have a whole new confidence. I've rediscovered the fuel for fire that pain can provide, the insane glimmer that sits in the bottom of one's eye hinting at the inferno below. I also realize that for all the bullshit in the world, I still have me, my friends, and my family, which is more than some people have. Basically, I'm moving forward, it's just now I have a take-no-prisoners attitude. Live and let live. Fuck. Live and let die. By all means I am my own man now...not that I ever was really anything but. However, sometimes you lose sight of things until life changes your perception.

This is the first year that's come where I didn't accidentally put last year's date when writing or typing it out within the first few weeks of the new year. Let me tell you, boy have I ever been conscious that last year was over with, among other things. Now that weve arrived into the new year, Im bringing with it some changes, moreover, some accomplishments, to fill the void that someone so lovingly gave to me. In a lot of ways, Ive started up the gears of a machine that was slowly dying. Id like to say that Ive become synthetic, but that would be too easy. By all means, I still feel truly alive- now lets just hope that the spark inside of me doesnt grow to consume me.




-brief edit-

SG is slow as hell these days...and not very user friendly. Let me tell you, forward progress is supposed to make improvements. No wonder I haven't been inspired to keep this shit updated...