funnyman

there has to be someone out there that is perfect for me. the problem is finding them. i need a date so badly! i am depressed, and i know how to fix it, but i am not succeeding. and my parents don't help either. all they ever do is find ways to make me look like a liar, which i am not. they don't listen to anything i ever say, and they are always looking at every negative thing about my life. i got the job at loews, and the first thing they said was that i was going to be making minimum wage(which is not true) and that i should turn it down. i told them that i would not be making m.w., and they just would not hear a word of it. it took them 2 days to work up the courage to say "i'm glad you got the job". nothing more, nothing less. they want me to be successful, yet they tell me that i "shouldn't be doing ANY photography until i go to school and have assignments, and therefore some direction". I told them about a concept i had for a photo essay, and they told me that I wasn't allowed to do it because it cost money. They treat my photo work as though it's some sort of fantasy that i need to get over. this is not the case, and it makes me sick to think that they would say that. My 21st birthday is coming up and I told them that for my birthday I wanted to get a filmscanner, as it would save me a lot on color printing, and would allow me to archive all of my work digitally as a safeguard against disaster. all of my work is on 35mm film, so if it gets stolen, or gets damaged in any way, thats it. all of my work is gone and there is no way to recover it. they told me that i would be lucky if i got anything, let alone another piece of "worthless photo equipment" that i would have at my fingertips once i start at the art institute. which brings me to the next episode, school. i am not allowed to go back to school until i pay off my credit card. Which is all well and good, except for the fact that i have been out of school since fall 2003. the earliest i can go to the art institute is now july. on top of that, my parents said that if i don't get a 3.5 or higher for the first year, they will not help pay for my tuition. i had about a 2.5 gpa at rutgers, and i honestly think that it is kind of unfair, considering that if i were still at RU they would still be helping me out regardless. Up until about 6 months ago they told me that the only reason i wanted to go to art school is because my friend is an artist, so i wasn't allowed to go for photo. after all, there is NO money to be made in photography. even if that were true, i am not in it for insane amounts of money. i do photography because i fucking love it, and unlike most other things, it actually gives me joy. sorry for rambling, but i just needed to get this out. i am about ready to snap, so venting helps unload some of the pressure. why does life have to be such horse shit? i am an honest, hard-working person, so why can't i be accepted as that? my employers have never had any complaints about me, yet my parents find stupid shit to complain about all the time. i got an overdue notice from the library and they wouldn't shut up about it for a week, saying i was irresponsible and not trustworthy because i had a couple cd's out a few days too long. i can't wait until i can move out, but that is not going to be for a long time, because my parents have told me that they will not support me in any way once i am gone. so much for fucking unconditional love. they tell me they love me, but all they do is try to make me feel like an insignificant piece of shit. fuck the world. oh yeah, did i tell you i'm allergic to prozac? some deranged "pediatrician"(he later had a sex change, and was obsessed with my genitals, and no i am not damaged by it, but it still is REALLY creepy ) said that it was known in some cases to be effective against tourette's syndrome. Which is kind of funny, because 1 FUCKING WEEK LATER, my knee was the size of a cantaloupe, and i had to have a procedure done to reduce the swelling. what a moron. lol, don't worry, i am not going to kill myself, but i AM going to go crazy if this crap continues. I am a happy person with friends and non-parental family, but its getting a lot harder to stay that way around the house. i'm going to stop now, because this has most likely already filled an entire page, and i don't want to bore you people to death. happy easter everybody. and don't drink TOO much happy egg nog(unless you aren't driving, then for God's sake DRINK!!!). hehe, good night guys.
funnyman out