funkmunky

it's Sunday. day after the new year. whoop di fucking do.

I ended up spending a few hours thursday night AND a few hours friday night at my wife's new apartment. Thursday we did some talking, and Friday was mostly spent setting up her computer, TV, and DVD player, watching ATHF, eating pizza, and smoking a bowl.

But she's been sick lately (which is really the only reason she was available to spend time with me, I guess, since her friends were all out partying up the new year), and kicked me out early both nights... I sat there the whole time hoping, wishing that she would invite me to just stay the night, no naughty stuff, no anything else... just stay the night with her, and keep her safe, like I'm supposed to, as a husband should at night...

she tells me there's no hope for a reconciliation, because there's no way she can trust me as a husband ever again... she tells me that she won't take me back because she loves me too much, and doesn't think I'd get the help I need if we were together... she tells me that she misses me, and misses my family, but the fear she holds in her heart at the idea of putting herself back into our "situation" outweighs any of that...

why can't I just give up? why does my heart lay sick in my chest for her? I made those decisions this past year, and my heart didn't hurt then, did it? I was cruel, selfish, and blind, yet I followed through with every action...

i love her so much, and i can't even begin to show her how i've gotten my head straight already, because she's so far gone, even though she lives about a mile away from me.









i am a pitiful motherfucker. happy fucking new year. --Funk