funkabella

theres got to be a medium but how do i find it? why do things need to be so drastic, to make you show me any emotion? strangling someone for 5 years to try and get even a drop of realness/real feelings/words/love/touch is exhausting, its embarassing and i'm ashamed. but i guess you put yourself where you are, give or take...so it is my fault that these are at this point and have been for a while...my surroundings... I chose you and this mess or I more so settled ??? why did that happen, how did someone like me let that happen. people need love, they need it to exist. touch is a part of that package, but i guess my package was damaged.
fights every night are a game these days, the ritual we use to interact ?? did you forget how to be with someone? am i the epitamy of what you despise. because i know i am. i can see it in your eyes.
i think love left. and how to distinguish love from a codependancy problem mingled with a lot of comfortable-ness etc. it gets confusing rite? how do you sift through it? its hard to go to bed happy when your sleeping in 2 different beds. hwo can you be in love with someone that you dont feel a connection with? but oh shit, of course you feel that your in love with them. then you find these other people, amazing mind blowingly sensational people along the way that your connection with is so muchstronger than the one you have with your "love", how the fuck is that happening, how is that possible? i guess i could just float along and pretend that oh shit, couples fight and it does get a little boring after a while and blah blah blah but i know this isnt normal, you shouldnt feel alone when your laying next to someone that says they love you. you just shouldnt feel alone. i dont know. fuck it rite? whatever.