funkabella

so as far as my previous post, its not me spewing negativity, its me venting into my journal. i dont let it seep into the scene. do i have any positive feelings for the people that have brought it down and brought all of the negative influences into it? no. i was really pissed last nite, and hurt, and severely confused at the fact that this group of people had seeped into our culture, and now they dominate it, but i dont know how it got that way. no the dead scene isnt here but ya know what? you DONT deal with this on dead tour <the dead, now> and that is why i want to go on dead tour. i'm not going to accept giving up, for lack of better words on my scene. yes i have incredible friends from this scene because of this scene, yes i have traveled the country because of this, i have experienced amazing altered states of consciousness from this scene, i was supported financially by this scene. but now that phish has broken up, my tour friends arent on trey tour, and i now know why. i regret buying those tickets. but now i guess i have to make the shows about me, instead of the entire experience. anyways whatever, lol its such a letdown, and no amount of weed <although helpful in many other ways > is going to help. im not giving up my beliefs and my radicalism, and i know all my friends spread out from eugene oregon, maine, colorado, tennessee and all over arent. i will still wear my patchwork, have my tourmobile stickered up to high hell, smoke my weed, protest against the war and for legalization of weed/mandatory minimums and everything else. i just am sickened by what i saw last night on this specific board, by the girls and guys. these are the kind of people that gave me hell in high school and still do because of what i look like, and now my free loving free thinking scene is gone. i should have known when i saw how steve was. kindness doesnt exisist in half the people you t hink it does.
ahhhh. but thanks soooooo much for your responses.
and tadzi, i know you know what im talking about and why im so upset, and im ready for our new scene to take over lol
i miss you!