Tuesday Dec 14, 2004

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My head is so fucked up these days I don't know what to do with myself. I'm really loosing it....

I want to let go
I want to loose everything
I want to forget my name, forget my face
I want to spiral into oblivion
I want to loose all expectations
I want to just lay down with someone and cry
I just want to be able to be myself.. Whoever that might be
I just want to let go, let go, let go....

I want so much, but have no idea what I need....

The kids, and their cage are spotless. They reminded me of how neglected they've been. I decided to name the baby girl, Isis. She's still soo tiny. It worries me that she's still almost as small as when we bought her but I suppose she's just fine. Ash is enormous and continues to grow. He makes me happy...

Someone Save Me
selket:
hey girl. long time no talk. glad you are here. didn't even know you became a member. waking life is one of your faves? wow, one of the guys i work for is in that movie. how is florida, and when are you coming to texas??? smile

ps. the babies are cute. and i hope you feel better soon. boys are stupid, and karma will get him in the end. so sorry you had to deal with that stuff. i have been there. never again.

[Edited on Dec 14, 2004 8:11PM]
wesiderata:
nice ink! I'm unsure how much is permanent but it doesn't matter - it is impressive. and you have nice kids too! I've never had ferrets but I understand they are a kick. smart, curious ... things I like in friends and all too often don't find in random people out there in the cold cruel.

I wish you strength and clarity as you wrestle with life -- sounds like the bad things are eclipsing the good (but there still *are* good things). Your poetry sounds a lot like stuff I've felt - still feel sometimes - and if you want/need a different generation friend I can be around. Or I'll just keep checking back occassionally for ferret and human canvass updates <smile>. Wes[iderata]

Someone's trying

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