frontman

aaaargh. what a night.

so there it is. my girl and i had a long chat, and i basically told her i felt like i had fallen out of love.
it's sad.

we talked for a while - she's really angry and upset, and i feel terrible. i love her still, but i dont think its quite in the same way. i want to be her best friend - i feel like i -am- her best friend.

i still think she's attractive..always have..but i feel guilty when i am with her intimately - like i'm taking advantage of someone..its terrible.

i figure i'm just broken - and somehow i have to be single and try to spend some time on me. i suspect i'm not ready to be loved and i have to be content with who i am, and lay to rest my relationship with me.

would i date her again? yeah - if i felt 'it' = whatever that is..then i would in a pinch. she's great.
i hope she'll get over me, find someone great and be my friend. i want her in my life.

[sigh] i hope i made the right decision. i've been wrestling with this for a while..first i suspected it was work and stress..alas, that seems unlikely..
i'm sad - teary eyed and at the edge of breaking down and crying [more] but did i do the right thing?

i dont know.

do i feel better?
i feel less stressed. im not sure i feel -better-.

gawd. i hope i didnt make a huge mistake.
keeping her around while i figure things out isnt the right answer tho..honesty -is- the best policy.
even when it hurts. right?

to michelle: thanks for the past 22.5 months. we've had great great times, and rarely some not-so great times. its been fantastic, and i'll cherish all of the memories.
i sincerely hope this isnt the end of our relationship - just the beginning of a new one..

i'm sorry.

c.