freyja__

i started (and almost finished) reading _Disco Bloodbath_ yesterday.
it's a quick read. but BOY does it bring me back to a place in time.
it's about club kids and the murder of angel melendez by michael alig and freeze.
i really enjoy thinking about those days.
back when nothing mattered except for the outfit i was going to wear and the drink tickets.
spirits were high.. and so was everyone around.
while reality can be an interesting place sometimes,
there really is nothing like walking aroung feeling fabulous.
having fabulous "friends" and dancing all night with drag queens.

it was a crazy world, for sure.
it felt good while it lasted, but i'm sure glad its over.
i never want to watch people die again.
i dont ever want to lose another best friend to an OD.
and i certainly don't ever want to destroy my body the way i did then.
but i do wish there was a place where i could feel as important and fabulous and "cool" as i did then.
what a fun little world.
and the outfits.. OH THE OUTFITS!!!!

but i miss my friend.
he died about this time 7 years ago.
we made it though so much together.
so many long nights and days and nights and days.
he made me feel special.
so charismatic and smooth.
never really had me fooled, but thats why he loved me.
fucking heroin.

so, here's to you, scott.
i miss you and i love you and think of you daily.
...