freefalling

i hate how people are mean when they are hurt. it's a defense mechanism, and i'm sure i do it too sometimes, but it's just the most immature and terrible way to deal with, or rather, NOT deal with things. my ex got pissed cuz i told him i hooked up with someone else [he asked] and now he doesn't seem to want me to come visit him. and to get back at me, he told me that he has a female friend coming to visit him this weekend. why? it seems so pointless. he lives really far away now (and he kind of treated me like shit before), so i really should just move on. it seems pointless to drag this thing out, because i really don't think it's going to go anywhere in the future. i like him, but he just never treated me well enough, so i should get over it because i do deserve better. ayyyyy

it's funny, when you're a kid, you think there's this ideal love for you out there, this perfect person who you are destined to meet and click with. but in reality it's so different - it's so, so hard to find someone with all the qualities you want in a person. i wish i could take a little bit of the best of each of them and create the right person for me... but unfortunately, not possible.

so the ex and i left off saying we're not going to talk for a week and then reevaluate then. that's fine with me - he's the one that needs to realize what he's missing out on. oh, and he gave me some shit about not respecting my body b/c i hooked up with someone else. sooo ridiculous. i hate that shit. i hate the double standard. he cheated on me when we were actually *together* and living in the same city, and now he gets all weird because we're broken up, living far away, and i had a random hookup. arrrggghhh boys boys boys!!! i need a woman