free2b

So, once again I will venture where I don't want to go, reality. Things are looking up actually, but I feel like the depressed me, just not excited, sorta blah, anxious. You would think that with a new internship at a production company coming up, and a new cake decorating job part time that equals $$ would be enough for me. I know it's a good direction to go into, but I'm sooo used to taking the easy way out and just hide in my hole and not have to feel any feelings. Fuck I want to go back there today. I want to slip away into nothingness and dissappear, just so I won't have to worry. And I HAVE NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT...so I create things in my head of all the things that could happen, but that makes me feel bad and sad all over again. I just have to face it, I am getting better and I am admitting that I have to function in the real world. By now I would have all ready given up on life and let myself slip under the covers, that deep dark place that I love-d. I miss it sometimes, it's familiar, even if it does suck. I just don't think I could even go there if I tried. Oh how do I live now? With hopes and dreams? Well, I"m off to my cake decorating job now...wish me luck. Oh how I wish I didn't have to go.