WARNING, DEEP ENTRY, BUT I HAD TO GET IT OUT!!!!
I have done the most amazing thing today. I kept myself from leaping head first into the black hole(depression). I was on the edge with one foot in, ready to jump, to give it all up for that safety and security of the numbness and emptiness, that place that was my home for so many years!! The overwhelming feeling, calling my name, taunting, teasing and tempting me, promising that sweet reward of emptiness. I felt like an addict who needed her fix. I'm beginning to trust myself again and actually feel that I am worth it and for no one else except me, that I am worthy of life, that I can have good things happen to me and still survive. That deep inside me is a wonderful person who is capable of amazing things and who deserves good things. And no matter what, I will fall on my own two feet, still able to move forward, even if I don't know where I'm going. I am not running away! I am staying right here and will experience all the ups and downs of life, wherever they may take me.
I have done the most amazing thing today. I kept myself from leaping head first into the black hole(depression). I was on the edge with one foot in, ready to jump, to give it all up for that safety and security of the numbness and emptiness, that place that was my home for so many years!! The overwhelming feeling, calling my name, taunting, teasing and tempting me, promising that sweet reward of emptiness. I felt like an addict who needed her fix. I'm beginning to trust myself again and actually feel that I am worth it and for no one else except me, that I am worthy of life, that I can have good things happen to me and still survive. That deep inside me is a wonderful person who is capable of amazing things and who deserves good things. And no matter what, I will fall on my own two feet, still able to move forward, even if I don't know where I'm going. I am not running away! I am staying right here and will experience all the ups and downs of life, wherever they may take me.
nothing really has been up with me... just the same little things that always break my heart... it just all built up... and... was really lame. i think i need to grab a ladder to get out of this black hole i'm in.