Hmm...
Okay time for a more regular entry.
Saturday morning I had this dream where I was somehow implicated in a murder. My grandfather (already dead) was also involved. It somehow seemed he was responsible, yet I was the one being looked for.
There was some incident with a pickaxe breaking through a wall and through someone's head.
It was declared an accident yet somehow someone relayed some parts of the story which implicated me.
It was one of those dreams where if you really have to spell it out it makes no sense at all yet at the time makes complete sense.
So I gradually woke up slightly awake and still feeling the anxiety and guilt.
Then finally, I realized, "oh yeah... this is just a fucked up dream" and so I could wake up and forget about it.
I'm wondering what the underlying cause of this guilt and anxiety that I have.
This last weekend was a poker weekend.
I played in a Saturday morning tournament at a casino (possibly burnt down by now the way things are going). Then I played a cash game at a card room for less than an hour tripling my $30 in chips to $90 before cashing out.
I've been playing a lot online too. I play the little pipsqueak free play tournaments. I've come 1st in two and 2nd in one with 90 people. I think that really says more about the level of play of the other players than myself.
I went to a Hallloween party Saturday night. Because of that dream I was kind of worried that something might happen, like you know I might end up accidently murder someone with a pickaxe.
It turned out allright. I just got too drunk and made an ass of myself. Nothing too bad, just not what I'm used to.
I talked to a lot of good looking girls but no numbers or anything. I was too intent on being obnoxiously friendly that it didn't come up.
So I came home at 3am pretty out of it and wrote a really incoherent journal entry which I've already deleted so there's no written proof of how deranged I can be.
Sumday was just hangover city. I was pretty ruined.
Oh yeah, here's the last part to tell...
where I live is on fire!
I wake up late to go to work rush to get there at 10:30am and as I drive up I see no cars at all. It's already pretty smokey and ashy and I see a posting on the window saying that the office is closed because of the fires.
The fires are pretty bad, but actually (for where I live at least) it was worse 4 years ago. The smoke and wind and ash was really bad then. It got within a mile of what would be the house I'm living in now.
This part of town has strong winds for some reason and the fire is further north and south, so I'm sweating it less. Can't say I'm completely without worry because I live right on a canyon, next to a 50ft eucalyptus tree that would go up like roman candle if it caught.
I needed an extra day to fully recover, so oddly enough enjoying my extended weekend.
The only catch is... I hope my house doesn't burn down.
So anyway tonight was more poker playing listening to round the clock coverage of the fires on TV and somewhat
My work is with a few miles of a mandatory evacuation area so I guess it's no work again tomorrow also.
Overall I'm feeling
Crazy shit always happens about this time of year. I just try to go with it.
Okay time for a more regular entry.
Saturday morning I had this dream where I was somehow implicated in a murder. My grandfather (already dead) was also involved. It somehow seemed he was responsible, yet I was the one being looked for.
There was some incident with a pickaxe breaking through a wall and through someone's head.
It was declared an accident yet somehow someone relayed some parts of the story which implicated me.
It was one of those dreams where if you really have to spell it out it makes no sense at all yet at the time makes complete sense.
So I gradually woke up slightly awake and still feeling the anxiety and guilt.
Then finally, I realized, "oh yeah... this is just a fucked up dream" and so I could wake up and forget about it.
I'm wondering what the underlying cause of this guilt and anxiety that I have.
This last weekend was a poker weekend.
I played in a Saturday morning tournament at a casino (possibly burnt down by now the way things are going). Then I played a cash game at a card room for less than an hour tripling my $30 in chips to $90 before cashing out.
I've been playing a lot online too. I play the little pipsqueak free play tournaments. I've come 1st in two and 2nd in one with 90 people. I think that really says more about the level of play of the other players than myself.
I went to a Hallloween party Saturday night. Because of that dream I was kind of worried that something might happen, like you know I might end up accidently murder someone with a pickaxe.
It turned out allright. I just got too drunk and made an ass of myself. Nothing too bad, just not what I'm used to.
I talked to a lot of good looking girls but no numbers or anything. I was too intent on being obnoxiously friendly that it didn't come up.
So I came home at 3am pretty out of it and wrote a really incoherent journal entry which I've already deleted so there's no written proof of how deranged I can be.
Sumday was just hangover city. I was pretty ruined.
Oh yeah, here's the last part to tell...
where I live is on fire!
I wake up late to go to work rush to get there at 10:30am and as I drive up I see no cars at all. It's already pretty smokey and ashy and I see a posting on the window saying that the office is closed because of the fires.
The fires are pretty bad, but actually (for where I live at least) it was worse 4 years ago. The smoke and wind and ash was really bad then. It got within a mile of what would be the house I'm living in now.
This part of town has strong winds for some reason and the fire is further north and south, so I'm sweating it less. Can't say I'm completely without worry because I live right on a canyon, next to a 50ft eucalyptus tree that would go up like roman candle if it caught.
I needed an extra day to fully recover, so oddly enough enjoying my extended weekend.
The only catch is... I hope my house doesn't burn down.
So anyway tonight was more poker playing listening to round the clock coverage of the fires on TV and somewhat
My work is with a few miles of a mandatory evacuation area so I guess it's no work again tomorrow also.
Overall I'm feeling
Crazy shit always happens about this time of year. I just try to go with it.
VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
I hope you're still clear of the fires.