fred

Scenarios:

You wake up in a strange hotel room with an iguana under the sheets.
There is loud country western music from a boom box at the foot of the bed.
You feel very hung over. There is a folded wheelchair under the bed.
There is some knocking on the door and then some old friends from high school come in.
They are all drunk and juggling eggs. They do little dance routine passing the eggs around.
Then your mother comes in in her bathrobe.
She's shaking her finger saying, "We know what you're up to!"

What do you do?

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You're playing first chair violin in an orchestra.
In the audience are sheiks in white robes and head bands.
They all very loud and boisterous. Everyone is clapping to the music.
You notice you are in a clown costume and there is a monkey on a leash attached to your leg.
The conductor is wearing a Hitler mask. He stops waving his baton around.
The musicians stop playing. The audience stops clapping and looks surprised and upset.
The conductor takes off the mask revealing himself to be a middle-aged mexican looking man with a long waxed moustache.
He walks up to you with a furious look on his face.
He points his baton at you and screams, "Confess!"

What do you say?

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You are walking along the highway in the desert.
You are wearing military fatigues and sweating profusely.
There is a lavendar boa and glowstick on a string around your neck.
You take a drink from your canteen but find out it's filled with elmer's glue.
You pour the glue out on the hot asphalt.
It reminds you of first grade class and ants line up to eat the glue.
You eventually see a gas station along a dirt road that intersects the highway.
You run to the station and get under the shade and then drink water from a hose.
By the door of the garage you see a old man in a white seersucker suit sitting in a rocking chair.
He looks completely clean and cool. He stops rocking his chair and then stands up.
"To the North...", he slowly begins talking in a southern accent.
"...we have the great white hope. We have fish packing plants."
"North you will find winter and freedom and isolation."
"The air is clean and the people are closed, but they let you live as you like."
"Down South it is hot and filthy. It's a chili pepper in a beer bottle."
"It's easy and exciting. There are the two sides of corruption -- subjugated and subjugator"
"You know where you came from, back East. You can face the conditions that brought you to this point."
"Back East is the hallways of your ancestors, the merging. A thorough resolution, or a quiet suffocation."
"West we have the greatest unknown. That is all I can say"

Which way do you go?