Ill write this while the anger is still in me.
You think that you have a future with someone, they fuck up. You forgive them but the cut has been made. You try and make it heal. But other people wont let it. I have people telling me day after day that she has cheated on me before that i should drop her before i get hurt. Er too late. Im in deep. we had dreams we had a future. Now i dont know what to believe. I went sugarmill tonight. The first time since the inme gig with my mate jo. Was really looking forward to it. But yet again i spent all day at work with a friend telln me sam is no good for me and i should leave her. I told her to back off and ill make my own decisions and that no matter what i do pain is now certain. Since we got back together she has been all over me. Kissing me as i try talk to frinds holding me while i try to dance to marilyn manson. She has gone from one extreme to the other. asking me to never leave her saying she never wants to lose me again. But i dont know what to believe. I never expected for her to do what she did and then me chase her. Now i dont know. What hurts more is im questioning myself. We were in sugarmill and she saw an old friend who is full blown goth and so were her mates. I thought they looked ace. But i felt so fake. im too extreme for friends at work yet not enough to the group i feel (felt) i belonged to. What to do. I fell stupid. even though i had most of the stuff apart from the face make up (fuck even had the black nails dammit) I feel like im alone in stoke on trent. I love talking to you guys (you rock) but here in this crappy town im lost. I wached people dancing tonight i so wanted be part of it. Sam kept trying hold my hand nd hug me while me n jo were having a bit of a rock and then sam went home early because well i wouldnt hold her hand 24/7. its like i always have to be attached to her. i was holding her hand in the pub on the way down to sugar mil and whilr we were in there for a bit. but when i wanted to just have a bit of fun oh no. I cant believe im stuck with these feelings. i know it has to end. Im gonna talk to her but i cant see a way out right now. Ive never had a crap night in sugar mill never. Even when my ex had really hurt me and i was mega low that place was where i could let loose and have a blast Jo knew this and was shocked when i said i was goin home (hell id only just be leavin there now) Hurt is round the corner. Bt i need to find myself. I wouldnt even have the guts approach the girls in that place. well above my level.....................
Update:
Heres some pictures from the past few days.
after looking at this one i think its like goblincat"s profile pic. Maybe?
what i was wearing last night.
I look ok i guess.
So i feel a bit better. Meeting sam tomorrow at 12. Its just the fact friends keep filling my head full or rumours that have no proof to them but there still playing on the back of my mind. So im gonna chat to sam about it and how shes over me too much. Cant stay this way. And it wont.
You think that you have a future with someone, they fuck up. You forgive them but the cut has been made. You try and make it heal. But other people wont let it. I have people telling me day after day that she has cheated on me before that i should drop her before i get hurt. Er too late. Im in deep. we had dreams we had a future. Now i dont know what to believe. I went sugarmill tonight. The first time since the inme gig with my mate jo. Was really looking forward to it. But yet again i spent all day at work with a friend telln me sam is no good for me and i should leave her. I told her to back off and ill make my own decisions and that no matter what i do pain is now certain. Since we got back together she has been all over me. Kissing me as i try talk to frinds holding me while i try to dance to marilyn manson. She has gone from one extreme to the other. asking me to never leave her saying she never wants to lose me again. But i dont know what to believe. I never expected for her to do what she did and then me chase her. Now i dont know. What hurts more is im questioning myself. We were in sugarmill and she saw an old friend who is full blown goth and so were her mates. I thought they looked ace. But i felt so fake. im too extreme for friends at work yet not enough to the group i feel (felt) i belonged to. What to do. I fell stupid. even though i had most of the stuff apart from the face make up (fuck even had the black nails dammit) I feel like im alone in stoke on trent. I love talking to you guys (you rock) but here in this crappy town im lost. I wached people dancing tonight i so wanted be part of it. Sam kept trying hold my hand nd hug me while me n jo were having a bit of a rock and then sam went home early because well i wouldnt hold her hand 24/7. its like i always have to be attached to her. i was holding her hand in the pub on the way down to sugar mil and whilr we were in there for a bit. but when i wanted to just have a bit of fun oh no. I cant believe im stuck with these feelings. i know it has to end. Im gonna talk to her but i cant see a way out right now. Ive never had a crap night in sugar mill never. Even when my ex had really hurt me and i was mega low that place was where i could let loose and have a blast Jo knew this and was shocked when i said i was goin home (hell id only just be leavin there now) Hurt is round the corner. Bt i need to find myself. I wouldnt even have the guts approach the girls in that place. well above my level.....................
Update:
Heres some pictures from the past few days.
after looking at this one i think its like goblincat"s profile pic. Maybe?
what i was wearing last night.
I look ok i guess.
So i feel a bit better. Meeting sam tomorrow at 12. Its just the fact friends keep filling my head full or rumours that have no proof to them but there still playing on the back of my mind. So im gonna chat to sam about it and how shes over me too much. Cant stay this way. And it wont.
VIEW 7 of 7 COMMENTS
You are right.. movies lie... unless it is the film Schizopolis... then it doesn't lie... it just slaps you in the face and say figure out what the fuck is going on in a comedic way!
Cheers.