franpire

so the word on the street is my back is fucked. just came home from the doctors. Quite severe arthritis for a girl my age, except this back has been troubling me since i was 17. One of my lower "tussenwervels" the padding between the discs??? has almost disappeared. Leaving the immediate above and below vertebrae to fend for themselves. I'm being sent to a neurologist to see if the nerves are okay, but basically there's nothing they can do. Painkillers the rest of my life?

Never heard me speak about it before? Wel you must understand if you have pain every day for 12 years you get used to it. And there's no point complaining. I HATE complaining people and try to do it as little as possible. In fact the proud Leo that I am will carry the heaviest load when helping people move or whatever. Just "get on with it" is my motto. 2 weeks ago though I had such an awful week. Even lying flat on my back I was in so much pain. So again for the umpteenth time I dragged myself to my G.P. Taking Johan along to make sure I wouldn't be brushed away.

And today these sorry results. Do you know what the worst thing is? She told me it would be better not to dance too much, because of the pounding it causes on the lower back. Swimming, fitness etc everything is fine, but not dancing. Dancers apparently often suffer from a bad back. This sounds really dramatic but it's 100% true. I would rather kill myself than not dance. It is my one and only thing I feel amazing doing, I am most confident and feel most strong and beautiful when dancing. It is my emotional outlet and I will wither up and dry without it.


Now I'm going to cry. and go to work.