hey people. because i am a little perfectionist. i can't leave you with a sub standard example of anything. i made a few little changes to father knows best? which i think make it a much stronger piece. now i must resubmit it let you deicde for yourself.
I could never find her here. That girl would not be my daughter. Hope keeps me going, and hope means that I have to ignore the urge to seek her out in the places where she is most likely to be. I dont even know if that girl my girl- exists anymore but I have to go on believing that she is inside her, out there, somewhere.
She went away, turned her back, and left nothing more than a note which simply stated, I need to look for something more. In truth, however, she left a long time before any of that. We never mistreated her and for a long time I did not understand how that was not enough. Without wanting to acknowledge it however I knew that from her first steps I was training her to walk away from me. As she grew, so did her world, while mine, ours, faded, looking bleaker every day.
Why didnt I search for her when she was still here? In truth she got too far way before I ever realized that it was a worry. I did not even realized that she had left me until I started to think about how long I had been waiting for her to return.
No longer will I spend my nights sitting in the darkened back corners of the citys strip clubs nursing a drink and waiting for my little girl to step out between the curtains. Why trawl the popular strips where all the desolate girls work through the night trying to make enough just so that they can survive until the next day to do it all again? What if I found her there? Could you look in her eyes and see the child you loved or would you shrink away quietly, left with nothing to hold onto? At least now I have a memory.
That is why I am here and not there. This is why I go on about my business, my life, as best I can; continually paying a souls fortune in penance for sins that I dont even understand. I go on in hope.
I sincerely dont want to know where she is or what she is doing. I just want her back; back as she was before. Could we pretend that there never was any time between? Could she ever be the same? Would she want me to be? The worst thing is not that I dont know but the continual questioning of if I want to or not.
I could never find her here. That girl would not be my daughter. Hope keeps me going, and hope means that I have to ignore the urge to seek her out in the places where she is most likely to be. I dont even know if that girl my girl- exists anymore but I have to go on believing that she is inside her, out there, somewhere.
She went away, turned her back, and left nothing more than a note which simply stated, I need to look for something more. In truth, however, she left a long time before any of that. We never mistreated her and for a long time I did not understand how that was not enough. Without wanting to acknowledge it however I knew that from her first steps I was training her to walk away from me. As she grew, so did her world, while mine, ours, faded, looking bleaker every day.
Why didnt I search for her when she was still here? In truth she got too far way before I ever realized that it was a worry. I did not even realized that she had left me until I started to think about how long I had been waiting for her to return.
No longer will I spend my nights sitting in the darkened back corners of the citys strip clubs nursing a drink and waiting for my little girl to step out between the curtains. Why trawl the popular strips where all the desolate girls work through the night trying to make enough just so that they can survive until the next day to do it all again? What if I found her there? Could you look in her eyes and see the child you loved or would you shrink away quietly, left with nothing to hold onto? At least now I have a memory.
That is why I am here and not there. This is why I go on about my business, my life, as best I can; continually paying a souls fortune in penance for sins that I dont even understand. I go on in hope.
I sincerely dont want to know where she is or what she is doing. I just want her back; back as she was before. Could we pretend that there never was any time between? Could she ever be the same? Would she want me to be? The worst thing is not that I dont know but the continual questioning of if I want to or not.