fraiya

Well I know that I've been talking about going to school in my last few entries, but I'm going to be honest and say it's probably not happening this year. I can't really blame anyone but myself. I screwed up my student loans in the past, and now that I actually have an idea of what I want then I can't get funding. Just yet anyway. I haven't given up and I'm determined to make this happen. If that means muddling through another year of not really having my own place and working a shitty job then I'll do it. I only hope the ones that truly matter don't give up on me.

I'll be saving up for school supplies and a laptop in the next year probably. Hopefully a laptop first because I have a great idea for an Etsy store, but since it has to do with graphic design I definitely need a computer. And since I'll be all over the place a laptop is ideal. I know I can get something cheap and efficient. Just need patience. I know I did post a link my last entry to donate towards a laptop for me, but I kind of got shut down on the idea of posting the link on here for whatever reason. So thanks to codemonkeym for donating even though it didn't really go anywhere. I'm just not that popular so what can ya do?

So I've been pondering this question and maybe someone can give me their opinion on it. If I hadn't said before I basically don't have a permanent home. I kind of bounce from my boyfriends, to his parents, and to my parents. My parents on rare occasion because my mom is basically clinically depressed and is just down right abusive and mean to me. So saying that I'm mostly with my boyfriend and his family. I don't have my own apartment anymore because I need to save for school. So I'm spread out all over these places and I always seem to want a "home", but I don't even know what that means. Is it a place for your shit? Being around the people you love? Knowing it's always there for you to hide away in? I guess just what is home for you?

I guess I'm just feeling a little lost at the moment because my life is just on hold. There's so many things I want to do and I just feel stuck. I know it's not for long, but if you knew me then you'd know I really hate being restricted from doing anything at anytime. Pretty much drives me nuts haha.


But enough emo stuff. If I can't go to school this year then at least I'll be able to continue my derby career for a bit longer Here are a few photos from the last bout. Red, White, and Bruise. It was our first outdoor bout ever and it was super fun. I didn't even pass out from the ridiculous heat! Here's me being mean faced. Pretty sure I got a forearm penalty here



Sweaty Moulin Bruise



We were in a 4th of July parade too. It was awesome. We're like local celebrities. I made my Wonder Woman costume by the way




So yeah I'll be able to do derby more so hoping I just keep getting better. Plus I do get to go away on a short beach trip with my loves at the end of August. I'm super duper excited. Going to Nags Head, NC. I've never been and I don't care what we do as long as we have fun together. I'm also determined to catch a shark

Ok I've got a few things to do before work, and then derby practice. On an end note, here's a picture of me making my hair look cool. It lasted this photo and then the humidity killed it haha.



Ok much love