So it came down to this:
I went into work on Monday knowing that I would be killing myself during the three days off that were to follow. So instead of walking to my desk, I walked into the HR department and told them that I cannot work again anytime soon, and they gave me the paperwork to fax in to make me officially off...
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I went into work on Monday knowing that I would be killing myself during the three days off that were to follow. So instead of walking to my desk, I walked into the HR department and told them that I cannot work again anytime soon, and they gave me the paperwork to fax in to make me officially off...
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What Happened Next:
Sorry I feel the need to bitch about this so much, but I am keeping optimistic, and I do need at least one source of ventilation.
I do enjoy the fact that these recent stories have more good than harm in them. That is a personal rarity.
So yes, Yesterday, the day finding out about the disease.
I spent the day at...
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Sorry I feel the need to bitch about this so much, but I am keeping optimistic, and I do need at least one source of ventilation.
I do enjoy the fact that these recent stories have more good than harm in them. That is a personal rarity.
So yes, Yesterday, the day finding out about the disease.
I spent the day at...
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Life seems absurd sometimes, doesn't it?
Months ago, The Girl didn't understand why I got upset, when she called home to say she had mono. It wasn't that she had made out with some guy; it was that she was knowingly fooling with a guy that had been fooling around with all the other girls, and had something to show for it.
I wasn't upset...
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Months ago, The Girl didn't understand why I got upset, when she called home to say she had mono. It wasn't that she had made out with some guy; it was that she was knowingly fooling with a guy that had been fooling around with all the other girls, and had something to show for it.
I wasn't upset...
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elle:
Ick, dude, heartbreak and triumph all wrapped together in one... you'd feel much better about life if you bought yourself a mac.
And I say mac instead of iBook because for your needs, you'll need to invest in a PowerBook. They are decidedly more expensive but are for what you need. You can check online at the Apple Store. I would recommend bumping your memory up to 1gb (or at least 736mb) and having at least an 80gb harddrive (you might want to invest in an external harddrive, too, if you plan on having a ton of shit on there--that way you can transfer it to other macs etcetcetc).
The reason I recommend a PowerBook is because the processor is much faster. You're going to be running a lot of programs so your computer is going to need to be able to keep up with you. My 12" iBook only has a 1.33Ghz G4 processor, but since I'm only using it for mobile computing and schoolwork (Word, Powerpoint, etc.), it's totally, totally legitimate (I also have a ridiculous desktop with insane memory and harddrive space with the best processor I could [affordably] get, so that's why I went cheap-town on my iBook). It will probably run you at least $2000 (if not $2500) to get you the system you need. You'll want to buy AppleCare, and you'll have to buy FinalCutPro and MicroSoftWorks etcetc. It's an expensive business, but I've never been more e-happy.
And I say mac instead of iBook because for your needs, you'll need to invest in a PowerBook. They are decidedly more expensive but are for what you need. You can check online at the Apple Store. I would recommend bumping your memory up to 1gb (or at least 736mb) and having at least an 80gb harddrive (you might want to invest in an external harddrive, too, if you plan on having a ton of shit on there--that way you can transfer it to other macs etcetcetc).
The reason I recommend a PowerBook is because the processor is much faster. You're going to be running a lot of programs so your computer is going to need to be able to keep up with you. My 12" iBook only has a 1.33Ghz G4 processor, but since I'm only using it for mobile computing and schoolwork (Word, Powerpoint, etc.), it's totally, totally legitimate (I also have a ridiculous desktop with insane memory and harddrive space with the best processor I could [affordably] get, so that's why I went cheap-town on my iBook). It will probably run you at least $2000 (if not $2500) to get you the system you need. You'll want to buy AppleCare, and you'll have to buy FinalCutPro and MicroSoftWorks etcetc. It's an expensive business, but I've never been more e-happy.
Varla has the most amazing arm.
So in other news, yes, I am officially dumped. Sure, I broke it off first, in March, but in spite of words, I didn't really break away.
This marks the first time sombody has dumbed me in eleven years. Yeah, it hurts. My mind is slooowwwly coming around to reality. Ah well.
Our friend Johnny is visiting (yes, I...
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So in other news, yes, I am officially dumped. Sure, I broke it off first, in March, but in spite of words, I didn't really break away.
This marks the first time sombody has dumbed me in eleven years. Yeah, it hurts. My mind is slooowwwly coming around to reality. Ah well.
Our friend Johnny is visiting (yes, I...
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Life feels weird lately. Katie and I were talking the other day. She said instead of just talking about things I intend to do, I should do some of them. She said she doesn't even know if I am capable of doing anything, to which I had to reply that I don't know if I am, either. Making up the MTSU Student Film Festival is...
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faeriedust:
Do you go to MTSU? Tell me about it, I'm planning on moving to TN and going there in Jan.
The film festival sounds fun!
The film festival sounds fun!
elle:
That is the plan, dude. I'm going to get an early 00's Civic (around 8Gs due to the connections I have all over this great-wide-world), pay off my credit car debt (3Gs), buy a new computer (1.5Gs), and (the best part: use the rest to buy a Vespa! I've always wanted one of those little dudes, and now that I'm terrified of driving (but realize that I need a car if I'm to survive in Knoxville), it is the perfect opportunity. Huzzah!
I got called out by the HR director at work for visiting SG from the break room (hey, I was only reading journals -- I am not so dense as to actually bring up porno at work) and was told not to do it again... this is why I have been mostly absent from here -- because I work ALL THE TIME.
Anyway, here is...
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Anyway, here is...
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I am on my way to ATL for the day. I hate Atlanta, and I would not be going, were I not such a hardcore nerd. That is right, all the cool kids are going to ATL for Pride; Sean and I are going for the Dear Friends concert - the Atlanta Symphony Orchestra playing the music of Final Fantasy...
I am going to be...
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I am going to be...
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Ah, the computer. How I have missed it. I have better things to do, but it is hard to remember what. Ah yes, pack. Clean. Read.
Sleep.
Still on drugs. I cannot tell a difference, but it has only been a week, now. And I never can tell a difference, until I stop taking them and it all goes downhill. And then I get horribly...
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Sleep.
Still on drugs. I cannot tell a difference, but it has only been a week, now. And I never can tell a difference, until I stop taking them and it all goes downhill. And then I get horribly...
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thelastasthmatic:
stable?
is there such a fucking thing as a stable life?!?!?
not wjilst a girl is concerned...
is there such a fucking thing as a stable life?!?!?
not wjilst a girl is concerned...
malina:
ehhhh... they corrected most of it... after 5 more phonecalls and then a "devoted call".. 
I would get tmobile, but a girl that I know where I am moving to has tmobile and gets absolutely no reception anywhere in the city..
I would get tmobile, but a girl that I know where I am moving to has tmobile and gets absolutely no reception anywhere in the city..
And I am on drugs again.
Yesterday, I did not want to be at work. I felt horrible, after having stayed up listening to Over the Rhine and having revelations all the night before, and eventually I just left work and went to the doctor.
I described to him my stomach pains, my light-headed/dizzness, my back aches, how my ears always feel stopped up. He...
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Yesterday, I did not want to be at work. I felt horrible, after having stayed up listening to Over the Rhine and having revelations all the night before, and eventually I just left work and went to the doctor.
I described to him my stomach pains, my light-headed/dizzness, my back aches, how my ears always feel stopped up. He...
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elle:
This is a really intense entry and I don't know if I can properly address it, so I'll just go right into replying to the comment which you left me.
I agree with you wholeheartedly about what you said but I don't know what to do when I feel this way about a set. I can't talk about it on my journal because I'm afraid I'll get kicked off the site. It makes me sad when I know--KNOW--that, stylistically speaking anyway, my set is better. I am not saying I'm more pretty or that anythi... oh, fuck, I hate having to be so fucking P.C. about shit up in this piece. I didn't think this was what it was going to be like. AT ALL.
I agree with you wholeheartedly about what you said but I don't know what to do when I feel this way about a set. I can't talk about it on my journal because I'm afraid I'll get kicked off the site. It makes me sad when I know--KNOW--that, stylistically speaking anyway, my set is better. I am not saying I'm more pretty or that anythi... oh, fuck, I hate having to be so fucking P.C. about shit up in this piece. I didn't think this was what it was going to be like. AT ALL.
thelastasthmatic:
"I do not remember the first half of today,"
that is, perhaps, the worst thing i could imagine. no matter how angry,sad, or inebriated i am-i always want to remember.
life is too short to waste experience...
let me know if you want to hang out some time. i'm usually off on weekends...
that is, perhaps, the worst thing i could imagine. no matter how angry,sad, or inebriated i am-i always want to remember.
life is too short to waste experience...
let me know if you want to hang out some time. i'm usually off on weekends...
I have no desire to listen to anything but Ladysmith Black Mambazo lately. I think while Katie is away, I will try to find a CD, rather than listen the the three mp3s I have, over and over again.
Katie and her parents are at the hospital, discovering her father's fate, at least for a while if not forever. God, that does sound grim. I...
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Katie and her parents are at the hospital, discovering her father's fate, at least for a while if not forever. God, that does sound grim. I...
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thelastasthmatic:
you live here because nashville is the athens of the south.
right?
right?
What have I done lately?
I have stopped smoking. I have stopped being quite so lazy. I have stopped drinking caffeine.
And oh yes, I have stopped lying by omission.
I'm game, we'll see who rusts first.
I have stopped smoking. I have stopped being quite so lazy. I have stopped drinking caffeine.
And oh yes, I have stopped lying by omission.
I'm game, we'll see who rusts first.
thelastasthmatic:
<this brother packs rustoleum
i am drinking 151 and coke in BFE indiana-does that sound like...'fun' ?
actually,i've had a fabulous week. last couple o' days have been great...
are you leaving town soon?
i am drinking 151 and coke in BFE indiana-does that sound like...'fun' ?
actually,i've had a fabulous week. last couple o' days have been great...
are you leaving town soon?
sadiemae:
oooh i hate liars by omission.
good job.
good job.
Katie came home.
I say this to explain my lack of online activity.
I am still around. I still get email.
Just sayin'.
I say this to explain my lack of online activity.
I am still around. I still get email.
Just sayin'.
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
elle:
I will be the first to admit that I am not the strongest individual. Lifting very, very cumbersome boxes weighing upwards of 75lbs up the 6 flights of stairs to my apartment by myself was no fun and made my right shoulder very tender. While twisting the cd shelf about to finish putting the back on, I felt something snap&pop and then I dropped the cd shelf and it snapped&popped again. I can only assume that was my shoulder popping out of socket. It hurts. Right now. 
thelastasthmatic:
how's my favorite drunk monk tonight?
enjoying this chilly assed spring weather?
enjoying this chilly assed spring weather?
During this time I will be staying in a hotel local to the hospital for as long as I can afford to.
The time inside was well advised.. I still intended to kill myself well into Monday night, but as of today, anxiety may actually be the worst of my worries.
And the anxiety is still quite bad.. I may not be in mortal danger, but I am still socially inoperable.
Ah well, I have three weeks to work on that.
I am currently on two antideoressants and an antipsychotic.