fractal

I want to be your favorite love song.
I want to be what sings to you in the dark.
I want to be the chords you strum on your guitair,
and the words you sing into the night
I want to be the wine that gets you drunk
and the poetry that grabs your heart
I want to be the path you left your footprints on
but instead I'm the one you did not take
I want to speak to you in your dreams

you point to me through a blaze and cross the street
and dance with me after too many drinks
and i almost cried when the power went out
i never answer your calls
i send you away
sometimes i buy you breakfast
after you've brought me my beer
and then I've woken up in a strange place

i can't say i like it when you speak
i can't say that i like your motives
I feel unsteady
but I know where I stand

i'm drenched in shea butter
and the ocean was flat as a lake today
I've made decisions that could change my life,
or at least change tomorrow

I've never seen New Orleans
but I've killed an El Camino,
then swerved sideways when you told me what to find
I'm skipping the desert
and I prefer to drink alone
plastic fantasies wake up confused

next moment I'll be lonely
next moment I'll say what won't be my last goodbye
next moment I'll close my eyes

I seek my refuge,
I find my seconds of clarity sitting on curbs
and I drown swimming backwards.