Login
Forgot Password?

OR

Login with Google Login with Twitter Login with Facebook
  • Join
  • Profiles
  • Groups
  • SuicideGirls
  • Photos
  • Videos
  • Shop
Vital Stats Tip

fractal

New Orleans

SG Since 2003

Followers 13547 Following 2

  • Everything
  • Photos
  • Video
  • Blogs
  • Groups
  • From Others

Sunday Jan 11, 2004

Jan 11, 2004
0
  • Facebook
  • Tweet
  • Email
Time for an update, I seem to forget to do that pretty frequently lately.

A few days ago I got that strange feeling of displacement again. It comes on strong sometimes, like a runaway frieght train out of my subconscious.

Sometimes it feels like there's nothing that really belongs to me. Everything is attached to some era of my life, so many other faces and hearts stuck to it. I can't picture my own face in my mind.

It all reminds me of other times, other lives I've led. It gets hard to pinpoint where I really am in all of it. I hear a song, smell a scent, and I'm thrust backwards in time, throughout different dimensions. Sometimes I find myself living inside the fantasy of the past, but where is she in all of it? She feels like nothing but an enigma, a costume.

Maybe its the curse of Mercury, maybe its the curse of boredom. Maybe its the whiplash of forcing myself into the A-word too quickly.

Sometimes it feels like I don't know what I'm talking about.

And then its gone, and myself back down. I guess thats just life though, a constant evolution, so maybe we're not always supposed to recognize our own faces in the mirror.
VIEW 25 of 108 COMMENTS
saint_cain:
Don't mind me -- I'm just gonna go on my own rant here. It might not even apply.

I think I've felt all of that before... different parts of me long gone rise up out of nowhere and too often inconvieniently and inappropriately. I think, I think that maybe we find ourselves in these moments. Like your subconscious is telling you something. sometimes this happens in dreams for me. Or maybe it's just boredom -- but that's boring.

I find myself in these things... and I think it is often just some piece of me going "hey remember me? do you need me now? are you sure? okay" And when I look at it like that, I get a better idea of what parts of myself to be sacrificed and which need to be nurtured.

It isn't that nothing belongs to me, that others made me and I just went along for the trip. Instead I think they showed me pieces of me, by how I reacted and felt. Like a how a bat knows something by radar. I know myself by bouncing myself off of them. Sometimes, I made walls inside of myself and other times I made bits of me more whole. Someday those pieces will all come together. and then maybe all fall apart again. smile But just because I'm learning more about my shadows.

hope that makes some useful sense for you.
Jan 21, 2004
romeoreject:
Sometimes sharks explode for no reason, this is because their heads are full of M-80s. biggrin
Jan 22, 2004

More Blogs

  • 09.04.09
    19

    Friday Sep 04, 2009

    As I am sure everyone is aware of, Los Angeles is on fire. Again. T…
  • 08.18.09
    18

    Tuesday Aug 18, 2009

    Read More
  • 08.10.09
    10

    Monday Aug 10, 2009

    Read More
  • 07.31.09
    17

    Friday Jul 31, 2009

    Read More
  • 07.07.09
    46

    Tuesday Jul 07, 2009

    Read More
  • 06.05.09
    49

    Saturday Jun 06, 2009

    Read More
  • 05.20.09
    32

    Wednesday May 20, 2009

    Read More
  • 04.28.09
    28

    Tuesday Apr 28, 2009

    Read More
  • 03.28.09
    70

    Saturday Mar 28, 2009

    Read More
  • 03.15.09
    67

    Sunday Mar 15, 2009

    Read More

We at SuicideGirls have been celebrating alternative pin-up girls for:

23
years
10
months
7
days
  • 5,509,826 fans
  • 41,393 fans
  • 10,327,617 followers
  • 4,598 SuicideGirls
  • 1,116,465 followers
  • 14,938,177 photos
  • 321,315 followers
  • 61,438,131 comments
  • Join
  • Profiles
  • Groups
  • Photos
  • Videos
  • Shop
  • Help
  • About
  • Press
  • LIVE

Legal/Tos | DMCA | Privacy Policy | 18 U.S.C. 2257 Record-Keeping Requirements Compliance Statement | Contact Us | Vendo Payment Support
©SuicideGirls 2001-2025

Press enter to search
Fast Hi-res

Click here to join & see it all...

Crop your photo