Please support your not-so-local e-author by a) downloading and reading Sean Kennedy's 'The Scabbed Wings of Abaddon' from RantMedia Networks and then my critique of same available from my homepage. Thanks!
My shit Friday night, the latest in a continuing series of after hours misadventures starring the loveable buffoon fpkk:
17:00: Leave work and race home to get washed and dressed for the Young Solicitors Masquerade Ball. Now, I am not normally the type to hang out in such an environment but the mates of mine who are going are used to being the slovenly and embarrassing face of the legal profession hereabouts. I am hoping for much lairy shouting and a good time to be had by all.
I wash and shave and dress in black tie stuff and feel pretty fuckin' smart. My mask has succeeded in not falling apart so I put it carefully in a bag and make my way to the bus stop.
18:45: The bar under the town hall is serving an ale called 'Monkey Magic' (presumably as once you've imbibed enough you run around twirling your wishing staff and shouting 'I love to fiiiiiiiiight')
I buy a pint and sit be-tuxed with a few of my mates. The evening gets off to a fine start. I am feeling good. Everyone seems a bit hesitant about the masks. It is only to be expected. They're all pretty straight.
Beautiful A arrives looking utterly stunning in a black slinky dress. There is no part of this girl that I do not want to lick. She does not even realise I exist. This means that I can sit there blatantly ogling -
- and she is none the wiser. Great fun around the office.
I would be a liar to say that it wasn't part of my agenda for this evening to get talking to her and find out if she's as fantastic as I think she is. She doesn't really seem to notice me. She announces to the table that walking around carrying a mask makes her 'feel like a total arse'. I melt
19:30: We move through to the 'Champagne Reception'. The Champagne is actually drinkable. Lots of young solicitors wear masks and yammer inanely. I end up standing next to A. The conversation is a little stilted but no more than with anything else. I try to make a couple of half-jokes half-comments-to-put-at-ease. A does not seem to want to be at ease. She is not jumpy jumpy but she looks as if she says what she's thinking I will be shocked (instead of just wanting to lick her all over). I am just waiting for her to notice that I am not freaked out by her - and I was actually feeling quite proud with how unfreaked I was. To be honest I never really thought I stood a chance with her so I had this whole 'nothing to lose' thing going on. It all seems to be shaping up nicely. She is so beautiful.
20:00: We sit down to dinner. A inserts a guy inbetween herself and me. But she knows him better and I know they're just friends. So no biggie. Besides I'm sitting next to fellow film geek Kitty and we get stuck in. Up until this point everything is going really well.
21:00: I have drunk 1 pint of Monkey Magic, a glass of champagne a *small* glass of red wine. Somewhere along the line some has spilled on my dress shirt. This really annoys me, I know I haven't spilled any or missed my mouth and I'm not even drunk. Now I have this big red streak down my shirt.
A disappears off, I presume to the bathroom, and never comes back. I am not really willing to be put off by a wine stain but it's not very smooth and I'm nowhere near too drunk to care. I start to get the vibe that A thinks I'm a bit creepy. Which is shit when what I'm really concerned about is having a little casual chat with her and find out if there's even the faintest chance of licking in the future. Now she has disappeared and I look like Mr. Oaf the Wine Stained Freak.
22:00: It gets worse. A is still gone. Now the wine has run out, I'm still not drunk and dinner has been going on longer than the rise and fall of some empires. The wine stain is bugging me because I wanted to just be smart for an evening and I was being so careful and somehow the wine flew onto my shirt by some bizarre quirk of chance. It doesn't really matter but because of the circumstances it kinda does. I find it harder to relax and no one is allowed to leave until they've pulled the tickets for the raffle. Masks have been largely abandoned and I was the only person who'd actually made a proper mask anyway. Now it's just a bunch of young, drunk stuffed shirts and a guy with a wine stain on his shirt looking for a girl who doesn't know, like or WANT to know/like him in a really hot room.
22:25: Finally free to head for the bar. Move awkwardly trying to conceal the stain. Find A who's been chatting to some guy who leaves when myself and Gavin arrive. A gives us a narrow eyed look and mutters that the guy was a big twat. I melt -
Gavin goes to buy us all drinks, good chap. A swaps a couple of comments with me and then disappears asking me to guard her fags. Although not particularly bothered about this I am starting to feel slightly ill and relish the chance to sit alone and wonder why she'll spend an hour talking to some twat but can't stand to sit next to me for 30 seconds.
I would ask whether I'm bothering her but she never stops long enough.
23:10: Feel really ill now. A is chatting to someone else, whose girlfriend comes up and gives him something to hold. She continues to chat to him. I wonder for the hundred thousandth time why she avoids me so much when she not only doesn't know me but... well, I'm not constantly creeping around her trying to touch her or anything. I'd be happy if we could maintain eye contact for ten seconds or so.
Not that any of it really matters bacause... wine stain.
I feel really queasy. People try to jolly me. I cannot be jollied. I'm feeling very uncomfortable and like some kind of pariah. So I slip outside and get a taxi home.
All I wanted to to was see her smile at one of my jokes.
Well, I get knocked down, but I get up again. Good job really.
My shit Friday night, the latest in a continuing series of after hours misadventures starring the loveable buffoon fpkk:
17:00: Leave work and race home to get washed and dressed for the Young Solicitors Masquerade Ball. Now, I am not normally the type to hang out in such an environment but the mates of mine who are going are used to being the slovenly and embarrassing face of the legal profession hereabouts. I am hoping for much lairy shouting and a good time to be had by all.
I wash and shave and dress in black tie stuff and feel pretty fuckin' smart. My mask has succeeded in not falling apart so I put it carefully in a bag and make my way to the bus stop.
18:45: The bar under the town hall is serving an ale called 'Monkey Magic' (presumably as once you've imbibed enough you run around twirling your wishing staff and shouting 'I love to fiiiiiiiiight')
I buy a pint and sit be-tuxed with a few of my mates. The evening gets off to a fine start. I am feeling good. Everyone seems a bit hesitant about the masks. It is only to be expected. They're all pretty straight.
Beautiful A arrives looking utterly stunning in a black slinky dress. There is no part of this girl that I do not want to lick. She does not even realise I exist. This means that I can sit there blatantly ogling -
- and she is none the wiser. Great fun around the office.
I would be a liar to say that it wasn't part of my agenda for this evening to get talking to her and find out if she's as fantastic as I think she is. She doesn't really seem to notice me. She announces to the table that walking around carrying a mask makes her 'feel like a total arse'. I melt
19:30: We move through to the 'Champagne Reception'. The Champagne is actually drinkable. Lots of young solicitors wear masks and yammer inanely. I end up standing next to A. The conversation is a little stilted but no more than with anything else. I try to make a couple of half-jokes half-comments-to-put-at-ease. A does not seem to want to be at ease. She is not jumpy jumpy but she looks as if she says what she's thinking I will be shocked (instead of just wanting to lick her all over). I am just waiting for her to notice that I am not freaked out by her - and I was actually feeling quite proud with how unfreaked I was. To be honest I never really thought I stood a chance with her so I had this whole 'nothing to lose' thing going on. It all seems to be shaping up nicely. She is so beautiful.
20:00: We sit down to dinner. A inserts a guy inbetween herself and me. But she knows him better and I know they're just friends. So no biggie. Besides I'm sitting next to fellow film geek Kitty and we get stuck in. Up until this point everything is going really well.
21:00: I have drunk 1 pint of Monkey Magic, a glass of champagne a *small* glass of red wine. Somewhere along the line some has spilled on my dress shirt. This really annoys me, I know I haven't spilled any or missed my mouth and I'm not even drunk. Now I have this big red streak down my shirt.
A disappears off, I presume to the bathroom, and never comes back. I am not really willing to be put off by a wine stain but it's not very smooth and I'm nowhere near too drunk to care. I start to get the vibe that A thinks I'm a bit creepy. Which is shit when what I'm really concerned about is having a little casual chat with her and find out if there's even the faintest chance of licking in the future. Now she has disappeared and I look like Mr. Oaf the Wine Stained Freak.
22:00: It gets worse. A is still gone. Now the wine has run out, I'm still not drunk and dinner has been going on longer than the rise and fall of some empires. The wine stain is bugging me because I wanted to just be smart for an evening and I was being so careful and somehow the wine flew onto my shirt by some bizarre quirk of chance. It doesn't really matter but because of the circumstances it kinda does. I find it harder to relax and no one is allowed to leave until they've pulled the tickets for the raffle. Masks have been largely abandoned and I was the only person who'd actually made a proper mask anyway. Now it's just a bunch of young, drunk stuffed shirts and a guy with a wine stain on his shirt looking for a girl who doesn't know, like or WANT to know/like him in a really hot room.
22:25: Finally free to head for the bar. Move awkwardly trying to conceal the stain. Find A who's been chatting to some guy who leaves when myself and Gavin arrive. A gives us a narrow eyed look and mutters that the guy was a big twat. I melt -
Gavin goes to buy us all drinks, good chap. A swaps a couple of comments with me and then disappears asking me to guard her fags. Although not particularly bothered about this I am starting to feel slightly ill and relish the chance to sit alone and wonder why she'll spend an hour talking to some twat but can't stand to sit next to me for 30 seconds.
I would ask whether I'm bothering her but she never stops long enough.
23:10: Feel really ill now. A is chatting to someone else, whose girlfriend comes up and gives him something to hold. She continues to chat to him. I wonder for the hundred thousandth time why she avoids me so much when she not only doesn't know me but... well, I'm not constantly creeping around her trying to touch her or anything. I'd be happy if we could maintain eye contact for ten seconds or so.
Not that any of it really matters bacause... wine stain.
I feel really queasy. People try to jolly me. I cannot be jollied. I'm feeling very uncomfortable and like some kind of pariah. So I slip outside and get a taxi home.
All I wanted to to was see her smile at one of my jokes.
Well, I get knocked down, but I get up again. Good job really.
VIEW 10 of 10 COMMENTS
apydiagirls:
Well I'm not that far into it yet so no flying ability for me so far!Sounds fun though. 
suggs:
ayyyyy fella, you been gone a while too my man... and oh my god!!! whats happened top ya head!!!!!! 