foz

what to do, what to do

why are we always afraid to admit failure or attempt something that might fail, in one hand you could lose a lot of money, in the other a friend

regarding my last post:

I once proposed to a girl, she said yes, we aren't friends any longer...I think my proposal will be hard to beat if I ever do it again

while at the Elite Diner having Saturday morning breakfast, looking out onto the rain, sipping coffee I finish my over medium eggs with rye toast. she looks at me, we've been together only a short while, but we know, we know it's there, we joke about it, fantasize about it, she's leaving for san diego soon and I just can't let her go the way things are, she looks at me again, through my pupils a pipeline that drips on my heart, the words come to me instantly, I repeat it for her to hear, "if you look at me like that again I'm gonna ask you to marry me"

half in jest, the other in hope she does it again.

I sweep out of the vinyl booth, pull the ring she made me off of my finger and kneel in front of her. the Diner goes silent, all I hear is an "oh my god" from a waitress holding a pot of coffee, she says yes and everyone claps, we hug and kiss. we pay and leave, in the car we are kissing and crying, holding each other. it's the only real love I knew and it was almost 6 years ago

since then I've been in a tail spin, a mild one but seemingly slow motion