So, there is this crazy homeless guy who lives on the street where I work, and for the past week or so, he comes over to the bus stop while I wait for the bus, and tries to get me to go on a date with him. Every day. We debate back and forth, but damned if he isn't persistant.
Here are some sparkling gems from our conversations:
Him: "Give me one reason why you won't go out with me."
Me: "I'm gay."
Him: "No you aren't."
Him: "Let's go out. Let's go to the movies RIGHT NOW. Come on! I can afford it!"
Him: "Do you believe in God?"
Me: "Actually, yes, I do."
Him: ".....oh. Well... you should."
Him: "I have a present for you!"
<digs through his pocket and gives me a card with Jesus being crusified on it>
Him: "Jesus will help you to not be gay!"
[FYI, on the back of the card, it says, "Dear Jesus, please bathe me in your Sacred Blood every instant of my life."]
Him: "You can't be gay! If you be gay, then soon every woman will start to be gay, and then none of them will want to date me. Being gay is no different from bringing drugs into the country. You're just like a drug dealer."
Him: "You can't be gay. It's wrong."
Me: "What's wrong with it? It makes me happy."
Him: "But it says in the bible that it's a sin. God doesn't want you to be gay. If you would just sleep with me once, I guarantee that you won't be gay anymore. I'm the best there is, I promise you."
Me: "Have you ever been married?"
Him: "What? No!"
Me: "It says in the bible that premarital sex is a sin. God doesn't want you do that. You're as much of a sinner as I am."
Him: "Yeah, but that's TOTALLY different."
Him: "How can you sleep with women. That's just disgusting."
Me: "You think it's disgusting when you sleep with women?
Him: "No! I love it."
Me: "So you're allowed to love it, but I can't?"
And my personal favorite:
Him: "When you be gay, that's just you listening to the devil. The devil is the one telling you to be gay. Pretty soon, he'll be like, 'Go kill that guy,' and you'll do it."
Hehe... he's on to me and my big, gay, drug-dealing, homocidal agenda!
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
propbos:
Aha! Now you've finally admitted to the whole gay conspiracy! I knew our agent in the 'homeless man' disguise would get you to talk. 
fireflame:
What a jerk he is. I think, even though it's funny, it sucks that he just doesn't get the message that you're not interested. Some people are SO persistent. I have friend who is going through something similar with another guy. It's interesting to see how nice people will be to assholes. Like, I'm nice to assholes all the time, when in fact what I really want to do is yell. Yelling probably won't get you far with the homeless guy, but wouldn't it feel GOOD?