foxfyre819

" and why are you constantly believing
that i, could ever give you what you're needing? baby, baby please don't put your faith in me
i don't know what to say
'cause it's all a dream to me anyway"

*uncomfortable sigh*
we talked last nite. he's getting attached. i keep telling him not to. that i can't........ that i can't give him what he needs right now for more reasons than i can count. although, this is not to say that i don't feel a connection with him. no, not in the least. i can feel my affection for him growing everyday. i truly care an awful lot for him. and if let to mature, i'm positive it would be beautiful. but the truth of the matter is.....i am in love with kristopher. i have been since i was 16. that could be a crazy lesson for me to learn in the making, but i have got to know, beyond a shadow of a doubt that a life and love with kristopher isn't possible before i can move on to anyone else.
dustin started to tell me he loved me last night. stopped himself. it surprised him. just rolled up on him. then he got embarrassed and tried to hide. i tried to comfort him, to let him know that he shouldn't be embarrassed in front of me for anything. eventually he relaxed a little.
in my last entry i asked what i have gotten myself into.
the answer is: i've jumped headlong into an emotional swamp. it's gonna take a serious amount of effort to get my ass back on land.
what do i do now? all i keep telling myself is that i should just keep moving. keep going. i can't take anyone's hand. just gotta keep moving......