foxfyre819

today's his birthday, and so i called him. but why the hell didn't he call me at all this weekend?! i think i scare him. or at least he's intimidated by the intensity of the feelings i have. but i gave him fair warning! i told him that i don't feel anything half-assed.
yeah, i know. this probably isn't really about me. it's about him.
i guess i could understand his hesitance. he is living 4 states away. it's probably difficult for anyone to face that even if they're REALLY interested in persuing something.
it's just not how i approach things. i'll walk straight into fire if i think i'll like what's on the other side.
maybe, though, that's why i've gotten burned so many times.
he's gotta love me! i'd love me.
and i have totally given him his space, too. i'm not one of those crazy bitches. it's hard for me to decide how much room to give him when i still want to keep myself standing out from any kind of lame virginia girl he might meet.
the competitive streak in me coupled with my imagination makes me want to go find people and build up my booty call list. but lately i've found it more and more difficult to trick myself, especially in terms of self-destructive behavior.
dammit.
all that would be is me feeling like i had one-upped him, and what am i, in highschool?
besides, he's the only one i want anyway.
grrrrr.