fortysix_and_two

It's been tough. After Luke's death, I've been a sounding board for a bunch of my friends, looking for comfort. So I've got all their grief on top of my own. I'm ok, it's just tough right now.

God damn this world. I think I'm not as ok as I thought.

For those that don't know, Luke Morbitzer was shot and killed outside Outland, the bar I work at, where he was a much-loved regular. He was a great guy, and he was killed by mistake, the assailant thinking he was one of the bouncers in the dark. The assailant worked inside the bar for the Salem company as a rep, exchanging packs of smokes for survey questions answered.

I'm trying to be strong for everyone in need right now. After they're ok, I'll find time for me to grieve.

*ADDED*

What a sad headstone...



Countless long nights
While I stare at the wall
I ask myself over again...

How did I end up
In this little hell?
How - did it ever begin?

Oh, oh, oh oh oh helpess

Helpless to turn back the clock
That ticks on
With its cruel shiny face
It laughs while it watches
My every disgrace - I was
Born a sap - all the
Nurses laughed when they
Saw me the first time
They giggled and they said
"This poor little monster'd be
Better off dead."

Oh, oh, oh oh oh helpess

Helplessly trapped in a body
I'm sure -
Should have never been mine.
I bet that my real one's
Doing just fine - and I
Don't belong here, I
Don't belong here - I
Should be quite rich
With a big shiny car
A house with twelve rooms
I deserve to go far.

Oh, oh, oh oh oh helpess

Helplessly falling in love
But does love
Really last through the night?
To love - To honor -
To kick and to bite! and I
Don't belong here, I
Don't belong here
It's all a mistake
I was destined for greatness
A leader, a prophet -
They're just too blind to notice.

Where did this whole silly story begin?
It seems that my mind has gone -
Blank.
I think that I've messed up a chapter or two.
Perhaps it is best if I'm frank!

Oh, oh, oh oh oh helpess -

Helplessly lost like that
poor chap who came
For an innocent dance.
He left with his brain smeared
All over his pants! cause he
Didn't belong here, he
Didn't belong here
He never should've left
That warm cage in a zoo!
His face was so ugly
What else could I do?
Can you - really blame me, I
Had to smash it.
He left me no choice,
he was just like the others.
I just had to kill him.
With my poor, dear, old
Mother.

Oh, oh, oh oh oh helpess

Helplessly fucked in the ass
By a legion of forty ex-cons
That's what it feels like
When you walk all over me.
Don't belong here, I
Don't belong here
Your eyes burn right through me.
They fill me with fear.
I could've been at home
Watching football, and drinking beer.

Oh, oh, oh oh oh helpess, so Helpless.

Oingo Boingo, "Helpless"