A wonderful camping trip. I am so lucky that I didn't have to work, since it was planned pretty spontaneously.
It was about 10 people. It was a beach by a big river. I felt in heaven. People felt so different and so much better. Jess gave me a bite of her sandwich which amazed me, and then someone (maybe jess again) said something and it blew me away.. I cried but i'm not sure what kind of cry it was. It was both. It was sadness that kindness was so foreign, and happiness that kindness feels so good. So hard to explain, I'm still in a dream.
I'm pretty damn grumpy right now though. its like when i used to come home from fun summer camps, and get really grumpy because my family was always stressed and such, and for a week I had been relaxing. But whats bad about right now, is that I'm not with my family, I'm at caitlin's house. Still trying to figure that one out. The feeling is similar, which scares me.
I guess a lot of bad elements are ganging up on me. I'm not too hot about Caitlin's mom. I'm not too hot about other associated people. So therefore I'm not too hot about hanging out here anymore.
I'm a jealous confused disrespectful bastard, for sure. Whenever I try to take time to sort though things, like nobody else ever does, I have a hard time getting my thoughts straight. I want to know whats going on, that is causing me so much confusion.. but I also find myself trying to hypnotize myself to feel things that I dont feel.. or not to feel things that I feel. I guess right now is just a bad time.
I want people to be what I want them to be. I want to change them so that they will fit to my idealistic life. I'm sorry I'm an asshole. I'm sorry I'm mean to you because I'm jealous. I'm sorry I cry when you smile.
It was about 10 people. It was a beach by a big river. I felt in heaven. People felt so different and so much better. Jess gave me a bite of her sandwich which amazed me, and then someone (maybe jess again) said something and it blew me away.. I cried but i'm not sure what kind of cry it was. It was both. It was sadness that kindness was so foreign, and happiness that kindness feels so good. So hard to explain, I'm still in a dream.
I'm pretty damn grumpy right now though. its like when i used to come home from fun summer camps, and get really grumpy because my family was always stressed and such, and for a week I had been relaxing. But whats bad about right now, is that I'm not with my family, I'm at caitlin's house. Still trying to figure that one out. The feeling is similar, which scares me.
I guess a lot of bad elements are ganging up on me. I'm not too hot about Caitlin's mom. I'm not too hot about other associated people. So therefore I'm not too hot about hanging out here anymore.
I'm a jealous confused disrespectful bastard, for sure. Whenever I try to take time to sort though things, like nobody else ever does, I have a hard time getting my thoughts straight. I want to know whats going on, that is causing me so much confusion.. but I also find myself trying to hypnotize myself to feel things that I dont feel.. or not to feel things that I feel. I guess right now is just a bad time.
I want people to be what I want them to be. I want to change them so that they will fit to my idealistic life. I'm sorry I'm an asshole. I'm sorry I'm mean to you because I'm jealous. I'm sorry I cry when you smile.