forestherb

I guess the options are.. release anger, or indulge in happiness. Or is it .. indulge in anger, and release happiness?

I want to love and shine. I want to tear everything to pieces. I haven't had many opportunities to do either. Now I'm working full time.. it guarantees that i will forever be stunted in my expression. Fuck no. Theres no way I would let that happen forever. But now.. it feels bad.

Zen. Do the masters, really let it all dissolve? Or do they scream louder than anyone else before them ever has.. the moment they reach the top of the mountain. Is that Nirvana?
*

I guess I've told this story a million times.. so I wont. but the feeling is back, and i"m not scared. I want to slip into it. That feeling from my past.. that happened right before the hallucinations. The screaming horrible nightmares. Its here. Shit. I'm remembering. Its like i'm being turned into a block, some huge structure. It feels horrible.

*
I'll start making memories now. All the pages are burnt. I promise. And to all of those who I have hurt. I apologize.