Last night I dreamt that a lady with whom I had made love to during the vietnam war had, tracked me down to tell me we bore a child, and to introduce me to my daughter. What the hell does Freud say to that one? Cept maybe, have a little coke?

What does it all mean, what do I mean, whats my purpose here, and where am I going with this rant? I really dont know but tommorows another birthday, and I really don't know if I'm any closer to the person I should be, or even headed in the direction of my destiny, should such a thing exist, and if so is it something I should be aiming for, striving towards, or is it living up to its name, and something that I will end up reaching whether I try or not, no matter what choices I make. I have no clue.

I ask these questions, but I have no answers, I know there really are no answers, It's all up to me. "Reality" as I perceive it, is just a product of my context, my culture, my upbringing, it is my interpretation, and if there is no underlying tie between us all, no universal truth, no existential blanket, then my reality is like a unique snowflake, no other soul sees reality identically as I do. Does this make me my own god, the creator of my own singular reality, the chooser of my fate? This is heading towards insane rant faster than I expected, and I might soon retire to ponder this alone. I just need some clarity, and all I see is static.

Am I slowly heading towards insanity, like Nieztsche, will I soon fall down in the square and awake free from the binds of others' perceptions, lost in my own mind? Sure I dont have his syphilis to speed the process, but I know sometimes, the thoughts I have aren't meant for the normal man, or are they, and I am just assuming I am different, when I really represent the majority, has western individualism, and growing up in the "ME, ME, NOW, NOW" era of the 80's so on, with its television, and media, telling us all we are different, telling us all we are special, stars just waiting to be plucked from the mediocrity?

Meanwhile back at the ranch, I think thats enough of wayde's 'stream of consciousness' for one evening. Apologies to those who read all this way, expecting an answer, some closure, a conclusion.

I should read back over this and edit, and improve, and delete, but that would ruin the point of the piece, and would bring into the fold my considerations of other's perceptions, as I pondered how the things I have written would be taken by others, how they would be interpreted and misunderstood. What would it matter anyhow, you will never get your exact point across, semiotics, the affective fallacy, any meaning I may have had was perverted and mutitated, as soon as I tried to fit it within the constraints of language, and will again be reinterpreted and misconstrued, as each of you reads it, with your own context and perceived reality, of which you are the creator.

Plus I was never in Vietnam anyways. I'm sorry.

"And if you swear that there's no truth and who cares, why do you say it like you're right" Bright Eyes