flyonwall

*pats himself on the back*

i did good tonight.. was around girl i liked/still like/fucking confused about and her boyfriend that i used to not like and i was friendly and social and whatnot.. it's amazing the bond invader zim can bring between people.. on the drive home from giving them a ride home i sort of realized i might not have liked him before not only due to obvious bias as it was between him and me for this girl's affections but also as he was always really quiet.. but then.. i used to be /still am quiet most of the time so.. it wasn't really being aloof like i thought.. just.. being quiet..

that made me feel alot better today.. the good mood i've been holding onto this week was really bottoming out on me last night as i was going to bed and this morning..

but.. a few people i got to see tonight made things better.. one person pointed something out that.. i had known but was trying to avoid thinking about.. when i end up with a crush on someone.. i have this bad habit of cutting the rest of the world off.. and she called me on it.. i don't think she knew the reason.. but she noticed.. but.. yeah.. this is all too vague to be interesting i'm sure..

all in all.. i'm happy-ish.. with myself at least.. sure tonight was just a small tes as there other people around to distract/deflect.. and going to dance around like a spastic monkey in the dj booth during my sets always makes badness easier to get through..

but then maybe i'm also in a good mood as i finally stopped at the liquor store and have both gold rum and black label in my room again.. (both unopened right now so that's not the happy but just.. that i have them again).. i'm going back to dwelling on the not-shitty aspects of life.. or.. i'm trying to keep on this..

i still don't seem to have many sg friends but meh.. working on it.. i'm still all shy at trying to add people as friends as i don't want to look all creepy and weird..

**note to self** update your profile picture.. that's 2 hairstyles ago already...