flygirl

There is this guy I know

I have known him for years. I have seen him as a drug addicted alcoholic rocker. I have seen him tormented and lost as he struggled to quit. Back then I dont think he even knew the beauty I saw in him exsisted. I would get glimpses of the man he wanted to be. It made me love him. Years passes and we both moved to different places in our lives. We lost touch with each other but every now and again I would have a dream about him or out of nowhere I would think about him and there was always this ache in my heart. A couple of years ago we started talking again. I found him a completely different man then before. He was grounded and focused he had completely taken back control of his life. Again like before I fell in love with him this time it was for the man that he had become. He was everything that I felt I wanted. Confident handsome motivated and successful. The problem was that he couldnt love me back. For a long long time I took it personally. I thought that there had to be somthing wrong with me. The way things went down I didnt allow him the chance to express his heart. I just went off in a huff of hurt feelings. I personally didnt know what to do with the feelings I had for him. I went thru it time and time again each time just jumping to my own preconcieved notions of what I thought he was feeling or thinking about me. It wasnt untill recently that I had the where with all to take a step back and realize that if I had a couple of choices I could hold on to my "want" type of love I had for him or I could love him with an unconditional true love that comes with understanding and friendship.....the true type of love. I opted for true love and understanding. Because of that I have been able to see him for the man he really is. I came to find that when I was wanting wanting wanting from him he on the other side was wanting for someone else. Someone who he had unresolved feelings for. So just like me he just hadnt been able to let go and move forward. He is to me what she is to him. The one who you just cant get it right with. I want to say somthing like "just let it go because I will be here loving you" but conversly he is probably wishing that she would just see the same wonderful things that I see in him. The man who is really is. As much as I love him, if this woman was good for him I would be happy for him if they could work things out. Im not so sure she is although I dont know her. I just know the sadness she causes him. I think she still sees him as the misguided lost soul that he was when he was using and their relationship was ending. Loving seemingly should be an easy thing. It should come with honesty and understanding. Its really sad when human nature gets in the way and seriously complicates things.