flygirl

Its very important to breathe....really breathe like the whole inhale deeply and slowly let it out type of breath. Its good for the soul.

Why is it that cooking food for a man feels so fufilling? Am I that much of a "pleaser". I feel too much pleasure in satisfying other people. I think if I put as much energy into pleasing myself I would be considered totally self-absorbed. The feel the exact opposite, which I guess would be self-less which sounds pretty but it really isnt. I guess anything in excess is not good. I dont think I omit myself completely because I feel whole but I just dont get why pleasing people in my life should be so important. For so long I was all about me. The entire universe revolved around my navel. I lived my life completely on my terms. If I wanted a guy I had him. I was the queen of my little scene and nothing else mattered. I was happy in it. I know I hurt a lot of men with my selfish behavior. I think I am paying for it now. I still get what I need sexually from men but the real deal is illusive and intangble. I dont even know what I "really" want. I look at Chad who is all I wanted for too long and I now see this guy who is moody and selfish in regard to me. I wonder why I wanted that. I dont trust my instincts regarding men so I think its best to chill.