Ok, so the person who has been "irritating" me has informed me that she has been cold-shouldering me because she feels "awkward" about our past "behavior". Yeah, I know that was a lot of quotations. She feels weird about the intimacy and also guilty because she was told on a previous occasion she wasn't approved to do it. I seriously wonder if I have some sort of defect in myself that I don't feel shame or guilt (well if I do it takes a lot to push me there). In the larger scheme of things, I really don't think any of this is a big deal. Most of the time I don't really think sex is a big deal. I consider intimacy to be a different thing, but I didn't really consider anything we did truly intimate. Maybe I define intimacy different than the average person because I focus less on the act and more on what is going on in the mind. This individual won't even kiss because she doesn't like to kiss, and there is no way I can become truly intimate with someone if they don't kiss because I can't completely connect with them. For me sex is an act. Intimacy is more about opening up, letting down my guard, revealing my true self, and revealing true emotions.
Anyway, so now I think she is avoiding me, which is weird since we have to see each other eventually for holidays. It annoys me that I actively try to open up dialogues with her and she doesn't respond. In my family, if you care about someone, when they call or text you, you answer. It is that simple. I have no idea how to react to her the next time I see her because I understand her awkward feelings, but you can't just freeze a person out that you say you care about. I am still highly irritated and it will be hard to hide the next time I see her.
Anyway, so now I think she is avoiding me, which is weird since we have to see each other eventually for holidays. It annoys me that I actively try to open up dialogues with her and she doesn't respond. In my family, if you care about someone, when they call or text you, you answer. It is that simple. I have no idea how to react to her the next time I see her because I understand her awkward feelings, but you can't just freeze a person out that you say you care about. I am still highly irritated and it will be hard to hide the next time I see her.
flippyleggs:
Okay just a strange side note with personal information that absolutely no one needs to know. I had the strangest orgasm early this morning. I was "servicing myself" because it was super early and I didn't want to bother my husband. So I was trying to be really quiet. I had my eyes shut tight and when I came it felt like I was riding fluid waves deeper and deeper into multiple dark dimensions in my mind. It was so weird. Normally my orgasms are more like missiles exploding. What a change! 