flatblack

I just had an interesting/humbling conversation with an ex of mine in Las Vegas. This is the big ex; the one I was "technically" engaged to once. (long story)

She is a bit crazy and I've stayed on good terms with her. Both of these are true of almost all of my exes.

She was having a bit of an anxiety attack and she called me to calm her down and give her advice. Any way, the conversation shifted to my personality. First, she pointed out that I'm not emotional. Her perceptiveness on this wasn't very impressive. It is pretty obvious to anyone who knows me. I cried when my dog Guzzie died, but I probably won't need to cry again for the rest of my days as long as I don't outlive my mom.

Then she hit me with the big one that was dead on. She said I had a "hero fixation." I didn't deny it, but asked her to explain. She said that I got off on saving people, especially girls, from minor dilemmas. She went on to explain that I lure girls in with my wit until I have to opportunity to rescue them, and then they fall for me.

She's absolutely right! I just didn't realize anyone else knew that. I can't imagine I've ever had a woman go for me because of my looks. Hell, I know I'm not handsome (though at least my hair is awfully durn purdy). I never will be and I'm perfectly fine with that. I'd much rather be smart and cool than attractive or popular. I typically wind up with girls the way she described. I don't do this on purpose mind you. I don't drive across town at 4am in order to seduce the girl that's having a fit because she saw heard a rat in the attic. I do it because I can't help my need to be the one that everyone knows they can depend on. This doesn't apply at all to the general public perception of me as a tattooed greaser, but it is very important to me that people who actually know me perceive me that way. I just can't help myself from playing "knight in shining armor" to a "damsel in distress. " Mind you, I want to chase after the stable rational girls, but I get bored and it's only the basket cases that hold my attention. Even then, I cant stand when people are irresponsible and thus, it doesn't last. Maybe if I ever find a responsible girl who's life is still a train wreck, I'll get engaged and actually follow through with it.

Any way, I was just shocked how "C" still has my pegged after all these years. Am I that transparent?