fith

I AM SO SCARED AND NERVOUS AND EXCITED AND SCARED AND NERVOUS BUT EXCITED BUT ALSO SCARED AND BUTTERFLYS ARE EATING AWAY AT ME LIKE SO MANY ULSERS! their fluttering alone an endurance based torture, i shall not even delve in to the waiting, waiting for waiting.
wait till tonight to wait till morning to wait for the train to wait to get there to wait till she does to wait till i fuck up wait till i say something wrong wait till i'm not who i am wait till i'm discarded and have to wait for the train home...i'm so scared.
i'm scared, scared of the unkown, 'cause i just dont know, and what i dont know is hurting me right now, 'cause i'm scared...

i hate more than anything when all i have is one thought, and all my thoughts are one thought and thats all that i have. everything runs in circles, like i'm on mushrooms...things repeat a little too often and it freaks me out, but i'm ussually already freaked out about something...

shit, i'm fucking nuts.
i really need to smoke a bowl....but...god i'm nervous...
i do feel better now though, not that anyone will probably read this, but it made me feel better just to type it.
i'm glad....but i still need to smoke a bowl...fucking stonerism.